Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
I have a lot to work out before I move. The main thing is to sell my house for a good price. I may have to wait until the housing situation improves.
I am going in August to visit a prominent hospital there.
I don't think getting a job there will be difficult considering they are looking for people who specialize in what I do.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
I work in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit as a psychologist/clinical marriage and family therapy
Last edited by TRUSTING; 04/13/0912:51 AM.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
I love my job and it has been a god send through this mess. It has given me a perspective like no other.
It has made me realize that we all have to deal with hell at one time or another.
I held dying babies in my arms on days when my ex was being heartless and cruel. Somehow it took away some of the pain.
I have watched parents receive diagnosis from doctors that their child will never walk or talk or eat normally. Then a couple of hours later I could go home and hug my kids as they left for a weekend with ex. Somehow them leaving for 3 days did not seem so tragic.
No matter where you turn, there is pain. It is how you deal with it. Hopefully in the process we don't become what the Ml'er has become. Maybe that should be our ultimate goal. Not to become so full of pain that we can't feel anymore. Not to become so full of pain that we can't think clear anymore. Not to become so full of pain that we are willing to leave our wife/husband and children behind to fend for themselves.
We start this journey thinking that the goal is to get our spouse back. We end this journey realizing that is not what is the most important thing. If we can find a better us, be a better parent, forgive people when they don't deserve it, smile when our heart is breaking, well then, we have succeeded. I just think we were somehow forced into being a better person much quicker than most.
I hope in the long run, one day, I will be able to love again, trust again, and really really have one of those gut wrenching laughs again. You know what I mean, the kind of laugh someone has when everything in their life is in sync. Not a care in the world kind of laugh. To all of this I have hope. I have not quite gotten there, but I am close.
I never thought I would ever say this, but it is ok if I don't get my spouse back, it is ok if he never pays the price for the pain he has put me and the kids through. It is ok if my family is broken. It is ok if I don't get the answers to so many questions I have regarding this mess. Somehow, someday this will all have meaning.
Right now I have conquered fear, financial hardships, broken hearts, auto repairs, taxes, endless yardwork, a dying mother, a broken water tank, college tuition, a wet basement, 2 adolescents, 1 adopted baby, and last but not least another woman.
I am no different than any of you. We all have done what we never thought we could. Think of what else we are capable of doing now, it is limitless.
What a gift.......
Last edited by TRUSTING; 04/13/0903:50 AM.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
It is in one way all about perspective. It is all about how we deal with the events that life gives us. It is all about remaining or regaining the true us.
I remember many many nights when I just prayed to God to feel nothing. When I played Simon and Garfunckles "I am a rock" song over and over. Eventually I blotted out all emotion and thats how I survived my loss. It helped for a while,it stopped the seeking answers mode,but it was an existance not living. I eventually made it through and now feel all emotions again but not with regard to my x. For him I just feel a love and a gratitude for the life we shared for over 40 years. I feel nothing for the man he became. Your post will give hope to so many. It is the getting up 8 times if you have fallen down 7.
Your job sounds very rewarding.Are you a specialist nurse? Thanks again for the post,your hopes echoe so much of what I hope for.
Not to become so full of pain that we can't feel anymore. Not to become so full of pain that we can't think clear anymore. Not to become so full of pain that we are willing to leave our wife/husband and children behind to fend for themselves.
Unfortunately I think I have already reached that point.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
Wow. What a wonderful post. Amazing how God sends us the words we need to hear when we most need them!
You will love and laugh again, you will find joy--and we all will. Some day the future will matter more than the past, and we will be able to remember the good times more than the agonizing ones.
Thank you for sharing your wisdom.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
