Happy Easter everyone! Today has been a pretty up and down day. W came by this morning to spend some easter time with D before she had to go to work. She bitched some about her work schedule and how she hates it and never gets to see D and how she doesn't know what to do. I just let her vent and listened. It was nice to see her and D enjoying finding eggs together. D misses her so much. Now she's at work and I'm a little down because it's a holiday that should be spent with family but it's not. I am enjoying playing with D though and it's what keeps me going. W was here most of the day yesterday and eventually it led to us talking some about the past. I didn't say too much just mostly listened and some of it was hard to take because it was true and I know I messed up some. She told me there were times when she was going out drinking with friends and would be talking to me on the phone and say if I wanted her to turn around and come home then she would but I would just tell her to go out with her friends. She said those times she really wanted me to take a stand and I didn't. I was placating her so I wouldn't get her mad in the hopes that we could avoid an argument. Typical Mr. Nice Guy stuff. I can see now how I did that through a large part of our relationship and how I need to change that for me if there is going to be any chance of this relationship in the future and if there isn't for any other relationship I get in. Like I said it hurt to hear but it's good because it's the first time she has told me anything about what went wrong. I think that is in some ways positive. She still says she needs to move out and be on her own with no hope of a future for us before she can figure things out. I don't really know how to take that but if that's what she needs then I will respect that and give her that space. She also said she realizes the risk she takes there that she could lose me forever with that choice. I just acknowledged that....said yes, that is a risk you take. Not going to sugar coat that one for her because it is true. The further she pushes me away the more chance she takes that one day I will wake up and be done with it all. I'm also in a little bit of a moral dilemma with the whole OM thing. On the one hand I still love my W and want to work things out with her. On the other, I think that by her having the OM and me not just ending things because of it we're both setting a bad example for D. How have other people thought about this and handled it? I mean, I think if this were D in a marriage and her husband were doing this crap to her I would tell her she didn't deserve that and to leave him. I feel like such a hypocrite because I'm not doing just that.
