I am incredibly frustrated and tired of the constant rejection from H. Now its in my face everyday and I can't stand it anymore. I always thought Id be happy if he came home, but it has made things worse for me. Probably because he doesn't want to be here.
Who would want to be around someone that acts like every second around you is the most boring time in their life. He cant sit in the house with me, but he can go to his cousins house and sit there. He never asks me how I am doing or much less say good morning or good night. He wants his "privacy" (but yet he walks into MY bedroom whenever he wants), he is making a mess of my house and not helping out, he comes and goes as he pleases, bitches about everything from what i am watching on tv to what kind of food is in the house. There is not even any flirting going on between us. Every time I talk to him he doesn't even look at me, he just keeps watching tv or playing with his phone. It goes on and on.
I'm just so fed up. He has not even been there for me at all through this diagnosis. I just want the D over with and I want him out!!! I don't WANT this, but I cant take it anymore. He isn't even the same person and I am having a very hard time following my DR goals. He just uses me when its convenient for him. (i.e. he needs my help, or needs something to eat, or needs someone to go out and eat with)
I suggested today that maybe he can move in with his beloved cousin for a while. I mean hell, he is supposedly over there almost everyday so he might as well move in. He said to give him a few days and he would be out.
Maybe some would disagree with me about asking him to leave again but he has not shown any signs of wanting to work anything out. He is doing everything in his power to put this divorce through full force. (papers are signed, we have a court date, house is going to be for sale soon) Maybe I am giving up, all I know is I was happier when he was not here. I started moving forward. I have been nothing but a ball of emotion and stress since he has been back and that is not good for my health right now. My health is my number one concern. Not him.
I told him 2 months ago when I asked him to leave- that the only way I wanted him back in this house was if he wanted to work on the marriage. I put my foot down and I am sticking to it. I refuse to be treated like this for one second longer.
Im just so mad right now because I went weeks and weeks without crying or being upset, and now since he has been here its all I do. I feel like I am on the brink of a nervous breakdown. It seemed like the only solution for my sanity.
So he will be gone again soon. Maybe I will be able to breathe again. I feel like I am starting all over again now. ugh.
