Smile and wave, Mark; smile and wave. Don't explain, don't defend.
You're right. You're right. Unh-hunh. I hear you. I hear you say that's your point of view. If you feel that I'm prying into your private life, then I'm happy to apologize -- I certainly didn't intend for it to seem that way. I just hope you have productive and satisfying days is all -- after all, the happier you are, the happier the children are. But if you prefer I not ask, I respect that and I'm happy to stop. Am I pursuing you? I've heard you say you want a divorce. I accept that this is your preference. What I'm pursuing is a good relationship with my children regardless of what's happened between us, and -- uh-oh, there goes the egg timer/car alarm/call-waiting/mobile/SMS/computer crashing -- have to go now, cheerie-bye!
Hey Mark -- I'm coming to U.K. in the fall. Perhaps we can meet in the alt-universe and have a drink or two down the pub as a couple of trans-Atlantic DB'ing mates?
Thanks for the reply. I assume I just have to validate her and sort of start again. I must just think about the children and me, and everything else will be what it will be.
Let me know when you coming over and we'll meet up. Are you coming over for business or have you got family or friends here?
Bomb dropped: 19/12/08 Me:48 WAW:41 D:10 S:6 Married: 15 years
I have just spoken to my wife about havinig the children this weekend and I validated the things she was moaning about (as usual). We discussed me having the children one day during the week to give them their tea. She suggested Wednesday as she knows I go to the gym on Tuesdays and Thursdays (this is one of the "reasons" she cited me for on the divorce petition), yet she is happy for me ot go to the gym now. I assume its because she does not really care what day I go to the gym. I said to her "I will gladly have the children on Tuesday or Thursday as my priorities have changed and the children come first". This obviously threw her a bit as she then said "Well, Wednesday is the best day as it is the middle of the week and seems to make sense". This is a clear contradiction and seems to confirm a woman living in cloud cuckoo land. She also said that I would never have compromised my gym nights before, why now she said. I responded about priorities again, which is a serious 180 for me. She then said "we'll see". A clear indication I think that she may test me to see whether this is a short term thing and I will revert back to the old me. I know I must make this change permanent as she will certainly notice this more than anything I say. At the end of the conversation which I eventually ended she said "well you can now go and watch your golf on TV now" as if to say "lucky you". I responded by saying I've got some music on actually, she responded but I sort of got the feeling she feels weighed down with the children as she needs to sort out clothes and things for them.
I would like to feel sorry for her, but she is the one that wants a divorce, so lets see how she gets on on her own.
Bomb dropped: 19/12/08 Me:48 WAW:41 D:10 S:6 Married: 15 years
My wife is coming over today to discuss divorce papers, my split from the house and visitation. I am not entirely happy with the money on offer, but I do not want to get into a fight with her. I know I have got to get the best deal for me and the children and I cannot worry about what my wife thinks, but I want us to be able to negociate without conflict. she has promised not to touch my pension, she also is being fair with the childrens maintenance. What is the best way to play this?
One question as I am in England when do you have to pay childs maintenance? Is it when you are seperated, even though we do not have a seperation order in place, or is it paid when you are divorced?
Bomb dropped: 19/12/08 Me:48 WAW:41 D:10 S:6 Married: 15 years
You've answered your own question. The best way to play this is to do what's best for your children and for you, in that order, and not worry about whether or not it causes "conflict" with your wife. Now is not the time to be timid. No, you don't go into it with the intention of being a dikk, but as I like to say, there's a reason they put that little "v" between the names of the parties. It's adversarial.
Put it this way: how confident are you in the wisdom of your wife's decision-making lately? People in a wayward mindset are probably not the ones best positioned to do what's best for the children.
She clearly is in WAW mindset and cannot be trusted to come to an agreement that facilitates all of us. Her judgement and comments that are made by her are coming from someone else that I do not know.
She is coming over later to see me and has asked me if I want to have the children tonight to stay. I have agreed though I do not know if it because she wants the house to herself, but I cannot dwell on that, as hard as it is I must not keep thinking of her and her movements. She sounded slightly stressed and this is only after one day of having the children on her own. It will be interesting to see how she copes in the short to medium term.
Bomb dropped: 19/12/08 Me:48 WAW:41 D:10 S:6 Married: 15 years
Well, we discussed the children and money albeit with a bit of voice raising and the envitable talk about our relationship. my wife said she has no respect or love for me anymore because of the way I have treated her over the years. She does not know how she put up with me for all these years, her parents saw a different side to me, future holidays with the children, where I will take them etc etc etc. I said that we need to try and build a friendly relationship for the children, she agreed but she said any trust and respect will take a long time to restore if ever. She does not want to talk to me unless it is about the children and that is all.
I feel pretty down with this damning verdict and reteric, what do I need to do, and can anyone see any way of reconcilling ever?
My wife is coming back in 5 mins with the children, is there anything I can say to her?
Last edited by markhaving probs; 04/13/0905:27 PM.
Bomb dropped: 19/12/08 Me:48 WAW:41 D:10 S:6 Married: 15 years
