Hey girls! Wow.. well, feeling exhausted and overwhelmed (no, not that kalni!). So saw the Piscean, but left by 5.. had to, I couldnt take too much in one day of that.. and I am meeting my ex at 8.
So went to the Pisceans house at 12.30...within no time he had admitted he was so nervous, had cleaned the house, couldnt wait to see me..his house is beautiful (he's an artist with a studio in the basement).. artworks and hand made kitchen, furniture, beds, paintings, mirrors.. very chic, like something out of a magazine. He showed me around.. we went through old photos, ones I havent seen for 15 years, he kept saying how beautiful I looked in them all.. he got my box of love letters out.. he had been reading them and made me go through them.. we laughed alot, but they were very intense.. all.. I love you madly and forever and cant live without you stuff.. I made jokes about it (typical me!) but he was emotional..
I showed him my photos and there was one of his Dad (who died of cancer at 46 around the time we were splitting up).. and he threw it down in shock then started crying and hugged me..
The whole thing was very emotional, it was lovely, he kept hugginh me and singing my praises, but it got a bit too intense. Basically, he is in love with me, or wants to woo me again.. said I am the love of his life, it broke his heart when I left (it didnt seem that way at the time) that he never loved anyone like me, not his W.. that he was in love with me after we split, thats why he was single for a few years.. that he was just too scared to say anything to me, in case he lost me for good.. so he took friendship (we stayed v close for a few years).. and that he loved me so he set me free and wanted me to be happy, but that he had never got over me.. he didnt want me to leave (tried several times to get me into bed, but I resisted !!!!), wants me to move in, to travel round New Zealand in a van with him and to marry me and have my babies. He said.. thats why I never had children, I couldnt with W, yuo were meant to be the mother of my children.
He apologised and cried for how he treated me, but I skimmed over this, I didnt really want to unpick it, but it was interesting to hear him explain (and he wasnt abusive to subsequent gf's). There were tears for both of us and hugs.. but I felt more detached and pretty shocked and overwhelmed by his revelations. He said he spoke to his BMF about me and what to do and his friend advised him to take his chance, be honest and said he had been carrying this around for nearly 20 years and it felt good to get it off his chest.. taht he was going to chase me now, write me letters and he wanted to get to know me again.
In the middle of all this.. my ex phoned !!!! I went into the garden to speak to him. He was being vague and AGAIN, but said maybe meet tonight and then said I will call you later...
So he has just called again, I have showered and washed my hair AGAIN.. getting ready to go meet him, I am meeting him and his oldest BMF in a pub at 8. I dont know why he has done taht. He sounded nervous and almost disinterested on the phone whenever he called, my Mum listened to the messages and she said he sounded almost rude and didnt feel he really wants me there.. but as I said to her.. its ALL his idea, his invitiation etc.
So feeling overwhelmed from today and nervous about meeting ex !
