Kerry it has very much surprised me that he is marrying her so soon. Why in the world would he do this? I know you all dont have the answer to that, I am just thinking to myself.
Snodderly have you give up on me? Is that why you have quit posting? If so, I am sorry I let you down.
I have to tell you all I have really had a setback tonight. Xh bought gf a very expensive ring. It hurts me that he can do this, but left us in such a financial mess and refused to help us out. Son and I are losing our home and xh is buying a ring. Listen at this. Xh said they may have a big wedding and kids was NOT out of the question. He said he wanted to erase the past with me. He said he is starting over and doing things different. He said he was under too much stress and had to leave. He said he became very unhappy. In my opinion, he is trying to start from early teenageish years. No kids yet, no financial burden with her. Just new everything. BUT that isnt fair to son and I. I am sorry, I know I am giving them too much head room, but I am MAD. I am very angry at xh. How can he just drop us and go off and try to create another new life like we never existed?
How can I let go of this anger? I want to NOT be hurt anymore by what he is doing. I want rid of all of this pain.
I'm sorry. I know it hurts. Somehow you just have to convince yourself that you are better off without him. You have to do that. You will be better off. You have another chance too, so make something good out of it.
"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out." Robert Collier
"One's best success often comes after their greatest disappointments." Henry Ward Beecher
he is sooo convinced you are the source of his pain. the D didnt make it go away so maybe marrying her will. Thats where the erasing you comes from,
Didnt you have a lawyer for your D?
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
Is he he telling you all this stuff himself? If so, that's just plain cruel. That's why you need LC/NC, so you won't have to listen to his crap. Don't bother attempting to be friends with him right now-- wait until you're stronger/more detached (at which point you may no longer care to).
You are still giving him too much headspace, but it might not be such a bad thing for you to get mad at/hate him for a while-- AS LONG AS YOU DON'T ACT OUT ON IT. Remember, living well is the best revenge!
It doesn't matter what he says or what he is doing or what he says he is going to do.
Have you ever thought that he is enjoying your reaction?
Have you ever thought that each time he gets a rise out of you it gives him a sense of control?
I am not sure who gives you this information and although I did post some advice on your last thread, I am going to repost it.
Quote:
"Son, I really don't want to know anything that goes on with your Father and his girlfriend anymore. I don't want to know what he says about me, good bad or indifferent. It is too difficult for me right now. Please don't tell me anything else about what he says about me, even if I try to get information out of you in a weak moment. If your Father and I have anything to discuss we will do it together without your involvement. It is more important that you have two parents that love you rather then try to drag you into their mess" _________________________
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
Renee, The posters have been giving you excellent advice. Listen to them.
You need to sit your son down and have a serious talk w/him. If he raises the issue of your xh and starts talking about what his dad and the ow are doing or saying, then you need to politely change the subject and tell him that you no longer wish to hear about their lives. You also have to remember, a dog that brings a bone will carry one. In other words, your son is telling you stuff and then going back and telling his father what you are saying and how you are reacting to the information. You are the adult and have control over this issue. Stop the conversations concerning your xh and ow.
About his engagement and upcoming marriage...this is not your mistake to make. This is his life to screw up royally. You are divorced and you need to let him go completely. What he does w/his life is no longer your concern. Yes, we all know that rebound relationships usually don't work out...but this is not your worry. Keep in mind...you are not this man's mother.
Let him go. Keep the focus on yourself and your children.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
My ex did the same thing right away after the divorce.
He bought her the ring.
He even took my kids wedding dress shopping with him.
Well, he never followed through.
No more talk of weddings.
I have no idea what happened.
I really don't care.
All I know is that they fight all the time
He is broke.
No more trips.
He barely can afford food in his house.
Reality has hit
It will work the same for you
Leave him alone and go dark
The more you talk to him or react to him the more it feeds his illness.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
a lot of these MLCers are Serious with their new loves..at the beginning some live withtheir ow..SOME MARRY THEM OR TALK OF IT it makes sense that the mlcer wants to believe that the new R will work to FIX him and that all his problems really were were the old M to us this is a lie the new R will not work any better unless the MLCer changes and works thru the issues a new R wont Cure anything so your H is delusional like the reat of them what Ivew seen on these boards is that although th mlcer may not return, the new R does not work in the long run
there is nothing we can do excwpt let them go they will try it may take years before they see the truth and the mess they have created at this point all we can do is save ourselves happy easter peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
