waw after 13 years

[Making_IT]

rob and Sandi,
Thank you for the words of encouragement. You both have given direction and perspective when I felt completely lost.

There were a couple of scary moments when she said that me telling her these things makes her decision easier (implying that she may leave). Although it did cause me to hesitate, I carried on.

Her friend (neighbor's wife) that she went to dinner with immediately following the discussion came over to talk this morning. I was expecting her to tell me that my wife said that she is further away after our discussion. To my surprise, the friend's perception is still that my wife is still very confused. The friend felt that when she left originally, she had her mind made up to leave, but is now second guessing. She is acknowledging that I have changed (primarily with communication and understanding), but is still not sure if she wants to work on the marriage. She told the neighbor that I would change permanently if she were to come back to the marriage. She misses the friends, family, lifestyle, and things but isn't sure if she misses me. I was happy to hear that her friend explained to her those things are all pieces of the marriage. Those things were built and created as a marriage, not by us individually.

We haven't had any contact since she called back to tell me that she doesn't ever want to leave like that.

beno,
Keep your chin up and quit beating yourself up. EVERYONE makes mistakes and has weaknesses. Like you, I have (hopefully HAD) a problem with communication. My wife truly feels that she tried talking about things at one point, but ended up just giving up. Yeah, this is tough to stomach and hard to admit to myself. It is even depressing. But you know what??? There isn't a damn thing that we can do about the past other than learn from it, correct it and move forward with our newfound skills. Understanding and acknowledging is the first step in correcting it.

I am having a tough night myself with swirling thoughts, regret and self pity. The anxiety has my chest tight and breaths shallow. I am the only person that can get myself out of this and am looking for some way to do that (healthy way). I will figure it out however!