thinking about this (both you & your wife) will never lead to resolution regardless of how much time you spend thinking and mentally rehearsing possible scenarios in your head.
You’re not going to figure out a way to make all this go away, and your wife is not going to wake up one day and know whether or not she wants to stay married or get divorced.
One of you has to get up and take a stand and I don't think your wife is going to do it.
People feel secure and invulnerable when they mistakenly think someone will continue to love them without their having to love that person back. Between you & your wife, who do you think is feeling that way right now, who is currently feeling secure & invulnerable?
Alright team, I have to talk a little about last night. I feel much, much better this morning after my encounter with the W last night.
She called and asked if she could come by and get a power drill and a ladder to hang a shower curtain. When she came over our dog went running up to her all excited and this upset her and she asked if we could go out in the garage. The realization of her actions were hitting her pretty hard.
When we went out in the garage I got her the drill and the ladder out and said here you go. Her arms were crossed and she was upset. I wasn't being a jerk or mean, I was being stern and strong. It just felt right. She asked for a hug and came to me for it. I did hold her in my arms for some time and then stepped back.
I knew it was coming, but I wasn't about to bring up the relationship. She brought it up this time trying to play the poor me card that she "had" to leave her home and things. After she said her piece, I had a few things to say.
The first thing that I told her was that I have been dishonest with her and myself in saying and acting like I supported her in her decision to leave. I told her that I felt her actions and decisions were unjust, cruel and disrespectful. She latched on to the disrespectful comment and flew off the handle. "How could I say it was disrespectful?" "When someone has had enough, this is how you are supposed to leave." It really bothered her and I think that I was the first person to come out and tell her that although her friends and family have been saying that to me. For her to hear it from me in a calm voice made an impression.
Don't get me wrong, during this entire event (~1 1/2 hrs) I was scared shitless that she was going to take my comments as an excuse to leave, but I realized in my head that I had nothing to lose, she had already found her excuses to leave. So I carried on....
There were several points where she would get the snarl, grimmace and loud voice and start putting me down. I immediately told her that those times were over. I will no longer be talked to like that or treated in that way. She tried acting like I was putting her below me with that comment,,,,,, she knew better.
I will post more details of the encounter as they come to me. When the conversation ended I wasn't in tears and confessing my love to her. I stood strong, proud and walked away. She got in her truck and left. The wave of emotion that overtook me after the event was a powerful experience,,,, I did break down at that point. I felt like I got to speak of how I truly felt. She called on her drive away to apologize for leaving the way she did and asked if she could come back later to get the ladder and drill. I told her that I had plans later and she could try calling before she came by.
!@@#$%! HOME RUN!!!!
About !@$%%! Time!!!
Yes the feeling in you was indescribable and I said it would be, the amount of energy that has been building up inside of you because of this is incredible and if you handled it calmly without arguing like a crazy psycho then you did perfectly and don't worry about being emotional when you were alone after this had all happened. Releasing that kind of emotion & energy inside of you after someone has been treating you badly is not a common experience, release all that pain, it starts now, once you start letting go, each time you have to remind her that you won't allow her to treat you badly, you will be stronger and feel more confident.
