I told her that I was unhappy with the way things were stagnating and that the triangle was too comfortable for H and OW and told her my thoughts on moving home but not want to give up hope on M and jeopardizing all the work I had done in the last few months.
She suggested that I test out the waters and gave me the words to do it. I started off by asking him about his job interviews. He was very keen to talk about them as he is thinking of changing jobs because he feels unappreciated at his current firm. He is wondering if he should go for more interviews but think he has good chances at the position that he has already interviewed for. Then after I listened, I told him I was thinking of moving home, that I found a good school for the kids and I would like to put their names in and get them registered just in case we move back they have a place. H said that of course, he would like us to stay. He asked if we would be moving into the house we bought together or if we would sell it. I told him I would like to live there and thinking of maybe doing some work on it before moving in if the budget allows for me and the kids to live there.
His body language was interesting. He was fidgeting with his fingers. His face was unhappy and then he got quiet and didn't want to look me in the eyes. He then acted like the whole conversation never happened. And seemed ultra-nice to the kids. Maybe just his usual, sweeping negative emotions under the carpet, his defence mechanism.
I told my DB coach that I am the worst type of gambler, I hate to take chances. This is a huge risk for me as I don't know if he will want to pursue me and family or not. I am hoping that at least he won't get complacent and think that this nice setup he has, the cakeeating is going to last forever, all the niceties of a family but no emotional responsibilities to me.
I hope he an face his true feelings for me and the kids and see if his decisions has been worth it. I don't know. If I am lucky, then he might reconsider but don't know if he is still hot and heavy with A. Or if he does reconsider, he might not even speak up for a reconciliation because that would mean he had made some bad choices in the past and has to admit wrongdoing.
My approach was direct, non-emotional, non-threatening or demanding. Just, these are the thoughts in my head, I'd like to line the ducks up in a row in case and see how things fall.
I was SO nervous but I knew if I put it off any longer, then it would mean even more suffering on my part.
DB Coach said to watch him VERY Carefully and see how he acts.
Me:39 H:40 S:9 D:7 First Bomb ONS:June 07 Second Bomb OW: March 08 Separated: March 08 M:15 yrs T:18 yrs H deep into A with OW Achieved ACCEPTANCE May 30, 09
