waw after 13 years

[Making_IT]

One question I have to ask you is this, what have you currently done about your situations: I'll use both you Beno & MakingIT. Have your wives legally separated from you, have they filed for separation or divorce? How long have you been separated/living apart?


Are you both ready & feel strong enough to do what must be done regardless if it means the end of your marriages?

(your next questions will invariably be what is it that we should do Rob but before you ask what you should do, look at your respective situations and be honest if you are strong enough to let them go or if you want to drag these situations on for months and possibly years?)

Sorry for the delay in responding.

My wife and I are not legally separated, but she has her own apartment. I also sent her all of her bills with her (car note, insurance, student loans, etc...). I took over all of the household bills although our incomes were combined. I have removed her from my credit card accounts. We have been separated 4 weeks as of today. Up until this past week it has been me pulling and her pushing. This week I have really worked hard on not pulling as hard (although I had a couple of slips). I am focusing on myself and am no longer initiating contact with her. She has initiated all contact in the recent week. I am working out and hanging out with friends and family. It is helping me put this situation in perspective greatly.

Rob, I am not seeing or hearing of any signs that an affair is going on. I got into her personal email, myspace, facebook and other accounts to check for any signs at all. I know that I shouldn't have done that, but I wanted answers as to why this was happening. I have found nothing and her best friends don't believe that there is someone else. With that being said, I am still on full guard and won't rule it out.

While I love my wife and I want to save my marriage, I refuse to let her drag me around emotionally like a little abused dog while she runs around acting irresponsibly. I haven't set a timeline on how long I will give it, it will depend on how things progress.