thinking about this (both you & your wife) will never lead to resolution regardless of how much time you spend thinking and mentally rehearsing possible scenarios in your head.
You’re not going to figure out a way to make all this go away, and your wife is not going to wake up one day and know whether or not she wants to stay married or get divorced.
One of you has to get up and take a stand and I don't think your wife is going to do it.
People feel secure and invulnerable when they mistakenly think someone will continue to love them without their having to love that person back. Between you & your wife, who do you think is feeling that way right now, who is currently feeling secure & invulnerable?
