Life is going pretty good though I'm still more likely to see where I lack rather than what I do well.
I have an exercise I do for the "Is this anxiety or a problem solving issue?" When something comes up that I avoid repeatedly, I write down everything. If it's an endless list of what if, what if, how much, how can I.. etc... it's marked as anxiety. I do so much emotional and dog chasing tail mind work that there's no way anything can get done.
If I keep hitting a brick wall, not having a clue even after trying different tactics, it's a problem solving issues. Asking others for help usually works well.
Ex wanted to talk to me 'live' on the phone about our tax return we're obligated to file as married filing jointly. As usual, I didn't pick up the phone. Then I figured, it was already done by a professional, it was numbers.. what was the harm? "The refund seems really low compared to other years." That was it!
Ah ha.. but your dear Gypsy decided to ask him about the other outstanding issues.. like direct depositing his check as decreed in the divorce settlement (something he said couldn't be done but the payroll can do). Felt a little anger from him with him telling me to let him think about it. (??) It went to other issues.. like the 401(k) that has still not be rolled over to me well past the 60 day limit.
He asked me why I was questioning his word in transactions without documentation. I just need a paper trail. He kept asking.. and I finally said that because I saw that he kept $50 in the credit union account but would have me pay $13 for one thing, $7 dollars for another.. that he wasn't being consistent about splitting everything 50/50.
Now I knew it was the wrong way to go and I tried to tell myself to shut the F up.. but no, it came out. After all, what is half of $50 in the grand scheme of things? I was just so tired of him being petty and snippy.
"Gypsy.. you are a miserable person, living a fantasy life full of misery..etc etc." I bit my tongue knowing saying anything wasn't worth it. I ended the conversation on a business note, got off the phone and screamed, feeling all shaken. Why in the hell did I do that to myself? After about 10 minutes I was back to normal and let it go.
My emails to him are bare boned.. just the basics needed. The next day I wrote specifically why I needed his canceled paychecks because it is next to impossible to get refinanced if I don't have a year's worth of alimony checks... that his inconsistent amounts (where he'd deduct additional money he felt I owed) and irregular deposit dates worked against me. I was lucky to find an entity who would lend me money but they there stopping the program.
That day he started sending me all sorts of information I'd been asking for for weeks. I don't know if his lawyer told him to hop to or if he had a change of heart but getting the information was a relief. It brought another set of issues......
