That's a difficult one. I have been battling that one for a while too. In my case, my W sent me a long depressing email about a month ago that gave me a reason to tell her that it seemd she was really donw and that I wanted to help her. And I proposed that we go see a counselor. She agreed. That's the only idea I have...
A vacation w/o H's, sounds like a good thing for you actually! You can concentrate on the kids and just have a good time with your BFF... Keeps your mind off of things!
I hear you. Separate vacations are not my concept of marriage.
Hang in there though. My suggestion still stands.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
To get ideas of how to get him to go: start by going to the counselor, pastor, and doctor yourself. Tell them what's going on and ask them to help you figure out if he does need to come in and if so, how you can help that process along.
You may need to enlist the help of friends. You may need to be the one. The pastor or the doctor might call. There are other options as well, but I don't know them all. I just know that what you posted sent chills down my spine and you need to explore those options.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Without looking back at your posts, didn't you say that you had a good friend with a husband that is a GP, maybe ask for a starter pack sample, you know a few weeks worth and tell him that this may help some of his anxieties on the road. There is some really good stuff out there.
I hear you. Separate vacations are not my concept of marriage.
Of course not! They are not mine either. But, right now, H is not "in" a marriage mentally. H needs to understand that this is what's going to happen more and more often should he continue on this path. It's a good thing to leave the WAS alone with their thoughts while they know you're out having fun! Makes them think: is this REALLY what I want?
We had a vacation planned last year for all of us. The date cam closer and closer and finally W said she wouldn't/couldn't go with me and to just leave the boys with her. I said that if she didn't want to go, it shouldn't cause anybody else to miss out on the trip, so I took the boys with me by myself. I think it may have been too early in the sitch for this to cause a radical change in W, but it did felt like she came a little closer again.
Regarding to geting him to go see a dr., it's the same difficulty as getting a WAS to go see a MC. It's gonna be tough not coming across as wanting to "fix" your WAS. If you decide to enlist friends, be very careful with that! They cannot under any circumstance even give a shimmer of having you talk to them about something even remote to that. Any remote feeling on H's part of you influencing your friends for that purpose will come across very negatively. Trust me, I learned the hard way! Just wanted to make sure you're warned.
In the mean time, try to have a great time on vacation!
The separate vacation was not planned because of anything other than the H's had to work, and we could only come for four days (not worth them taking off...). HOWEVER, it just feels weird, in a not good, weird way.
Quick Journal:
My BFF took a really cute pic on her phone last night of us two at the TARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEELS (Winners!) game. I didn't know this, but she txt'd it our H's, and told him we missed having the guys here...
This am, she gets a reply from MY H, that says, "Wow, I got this txt last night from these two hot babes! R U havin fun?" She replied, "We r having a blast! We ALL need to come down for a week or two this summer!" He replied, " Would LUV 2!"
She doesn't know the whole story, just that he can be a bit of a pain, but can't they all? Doesn't know the problems in detail or depth...
So, I told her... "Don't get on that roller-coaster, JEN!" (Funny, coming from me!)
Odd, very odd.
Jen's a good dose of instant sunshine in my life. Always. This is good for all of us.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
There's NOTHING better than having a mutual friend tell your WAS that you are having a blast!! That is GREAT! He might be missing out this time because of work, but it in the future it might be for different reasons. His choice!
You seem to be doing better MB! Told you a bit of change in environment would do you good!
definitely have a great time on the vaca (or is it over already?) it is important to have fun away from him too, even if it is weird.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
Gang. I need advice. Yesterday H calls me w/slight excitement in his voice. We might have an offer coming on our home w/in the next month. It would probably be the financial deal of a lifetime to make this kind of cash on our home. He was just as excited about another home the realtor told him about that was a steal, and becoming more of one each week. Gave me intricate details about it. Sounded like he wanted us to check it out.
Tonight i get home from vacation, use his computer to print something out, and stuck in the print queue is a listing of 3 bedroom condos for rent. I call him (he is @ grocery store) and calmly ask him if he is planning on moving out. He says, "No, not at all, why?". I tell him about listings. He says his friend came by on Wed and was looking for furniture online while H was in shower. Could have been him.
H is NOT that computer literate. I check history. The site was visited on Monday. Now, there are a couple of options other than being my H that did this, but I'm about to explode.
I'm not going to say anything further now.
Ideas? Suggestions?
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
