Was reviewing the events and conversations -- hanging around with the kids all day allows the mind to wander -- and she said something that makes me wonder if this isn't an A inside an MLC inside a WAW.
At one point during lunch, but before she started breaking out the cliches (I have no illusions about what I'm leaving behind, no one will ever love me the way you did, you're a great guy, I don't expect you to wait for I'll just have to take my chances, etc.), she asked how long did I think it would take for us to get past all this.
Apart from begging the question, it was an odd query. So I said something to the effect of "Well it took us 17 years to get to this point [22 year relationship - the 5 years (max) she says she was unhappy], so maybe 17 years to get there, wherever there is."
Now ordinarily I would have expected her to say something sharp -- "there you go again, always negative" -- but instead she said, more or less, "I probably won't live that long."
Well that's an eye-opener. She has a family history of breast and colorectal cancer, so I asked if there was anything she wanted to tell me?
No, just that her mother died at an age that would be younger than her current age + 17. And she said it so matter-of-factly. Now it's not the first time she's said something to effect of "I don't have unlimited time" - in fact, it is one of the only things I clearly remember about that terrible 1 or 2 week period after the bomb.
It had sort of struck me then, but then I put it aside. But the time issue, the "marriage is a noose around my neck" stuff, the I-have-to-see-what's-out-there-for-me talk, the behaviors, the outgrowing me...
I wonder if I'm not trapped in that common MLC + WAW web?
