Let me start off by giving you some insight. My husband and I have been married for 5 1/2 years. In our first year of marriage we relocated a few hours away due to a job opportunity which brought my husband a better position, higher pay and also prestige in his new job. I caught my husband texting a female co-worker via phone bill and found out that he took co-worker to family function in his car. He didn't see anything wrong with what he was doing and still doesn't years later. He claims that nothing happened he was merely talking to her and yes did admit to also talking about intimate things still maintaining his faithfulness. I asked husband why and he said she was available and I asked well why didn't you just talk to your friends instead and he replied "well they are all married and she is single"... Gee tell me am I missing something here?
Anyway we moved back through military back to old house and had 2 children. New job comes up for husband again to move northbound and same old feelings resurface. Husband wears other clothes to work, was late coming home for a month, doesn't have available time for me over phone that he used to, belittles me by telling me that I have let myself go, maybe I should have a tummy tuck when I just casually brought up a surgery that I might consider.. I have asked him to go to therapy and it has been 5 months of me asking him to find someone and said he wants us to work out then he will find a way to find someone.. He hasn't as he says that it is all my problem and not his.. Every other time we have had therapy I have contacted and found therapists, but this time he has just blown it away..Our personal life is almost non-existent and in argument he calls me all kinds of unpleasantries when I ask him if there is another woman.. He says I am psychotic and need help.
I guess there are a lot of tell tale signs just from what I mentioned above and after reading the information found on this site as to signs it does show.. I asked him if there was anyone else and said that I would like to know the truth than find out other ways..
Excuse me sir, but this is your wife! She is hurting, and its your responsibility to help her... You are his wife, and it IS his problem.
You should look at the Michelle's books, even if there isnt someone else physically, it sounds like there may be someone emotionally.
Even if you cant get him to go to couples counseling, you may benefit from seeing someone yourself, you may also be able to draw him in by telling him its so you can make yourself a better person, and his input/help at the counseling sessions would help... but you have to stick to that, you cant trick him into being trapped in the counselors office. Are you still military? I spent alot of time with my chaplain during my H's A. He was really helpful.
Welcome to the boards, when you are at your wits end, this is a good place to come vent. And you will usually find people who are going through something similar.
Take care!
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
Thanks a bunch for the feedback and book suggestions. Just to add to my recent post.. I am in process of getting a poly on monday to which he has agreed to go to.. He said that they are only 85% correct.. So i guess if it touches on a tough question he may pull the 5th and say it was an error in the test..
I also went to a couple of psychics and clarivoyants to help my heart and they also said there was another person out there and gave me same description and one mentioned that he was going to deny any wrong doing even through the polygraph.. Funny enough she said that the other woman will try to contact me after the poly gets done and that he is keeping her for the sexual side and me for the wifey part...
I spoke to husband last night about not being able to let go and he said "what more do you want? I have apologized for what I did 4 years ago" I said it isn't that you apologized it is that you still don't believe what you did is wrong, and you have never made it up to me. He asked what do you mean? I said well, you talked personally with her, but you never do with me.. You talked sexually with her and never did with me.. To this day he just gives me the need to know details of how his day is.. It is like being in a house share situation with not much else left.. He said that is him and it isn't going to change.. I said, well other people seem to get more conversation out of you and all i get is the daily running commentary on what I did.. There is just no emotions anymore like there used to be and it really hurts. Why doesn't he get it?
He still puts therapy on me and says he doesn't have time as he is working 2 people's jobs at the moment and is waiting for his next orders.. He is military and I am at home mother.
Ew, My H is even in virginia on TAD. Go slash his tires for me will ya? the motorcycle ones, theyre really expensive!
I went to a psychic too. She told me that this relationship was over. I have put a lot of thought into the things she said and I wonder if they dont feed off of your energy somewhat, if they truly are that sensitive, maybe its hard to filter out the energy that you are projecting and whats legitimate. I smudged my house after the last time H left, it felt and smelled better, and I still carry around a piece of rose quartz with me.
Has he ever talked to you about this kind of thing? Even when you were brand new, did he tell you all about his day? And have you ever been interested before? Do you know anything about his job, or coworkers? Maybe you can ask specific questions to get him talking. Can you initiate the sexy talk? Maybe just start by talking about massage, it seems a little less scary.
If he cant make it up to you, but you still want to continue this, you may have to just let it go, maybe therapy can help you with that. Maybe every time you start to think about it pinch yourself, hard. Its called thought stopping. You can google it to find out more. He might not be willing to admit that it was wrong because he is very ashamed of it, and its easier for him to deal with your anger than it is to deal with his shame.
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
Interesting about rose quartz.. I will definitely look into it.. :-) He doesn't say too much about work only because most of the things I guess are sensitive being military but he gives me the general run down about meetings and overview of his day.. His co-workers no, he hasn't invited me there to meet anyone.. No surprise on that.. Strange thing is that psychic said that the OW is there more for the sexual as she picked up on deviancy in regards to him and she is more nurturing to his needs like this.. Kind of shocking to hear but it was also confirmed by another person too.
I guess I will wait and see what pans out on monday when he does the poly test, so I know if it truly is just him and not being open about anything or if there really is something going on.
No, shes up here, in AK. He got in trouble, after I turned his affair havin butt in(anonymously, of course ), he became, um, insubordinate I guess is the word for it. Anyway, he wouldn't accept his orders so they sent him to work at some coast guard school in Newport News.
Could you host some sort of dinner party, or BBQ? Maybe it will introduce you to some of his friends, also, it seems like if they know you, they will be less likely to keep their mouths shut if they see him being weasley.
Last edited by bluerain; 04/10/0911:17 PM.
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
USAF. 
), he became, um, insubordinate I guess is the word for it. Anyway, he wouldn't accept his orders so they sent him to work at some coast guard school in Newport News.