one thing thats confusing me is if it is a MLC? do i sttill deal with it the same. ie: darkness, be mysterious, etc etc all the things you have said to do? or do i tread a little bit more careful? there is one more thing. i planned a trip day out with my kids and my wifes sister and her hubby and child, i did not include my wife in this and didnt tell her, she found out yesterday about this and when i spoke to her she brought up the subject saying, " nobody told me your plans, first i heard was in a conversation with my mum " it sounded like she was a bit angry at the thought of us all enjoying a day out without her, i could be wrong but i felt it.
another thing she did she went over in detail her last weekend whereabouts. what she did, were she went, who she was with,time she was home. not boasting about it, i think she was trying to tell me please dont think im out loving every minute of it, it was ok but bit boring to, and telling me she was home early so i wasnt with any guy, it was like she was telling me you dont need to worry about me, im just having some fun and im not interested in other people, it was wierd not sure if ive read it wrong? maybe i have but there was definitley something in her voice,
Have you suspected that she's been cheating on you Beno and you brought it up to her possibly in the past? Why is she opening up with all these details and telling you what she isn't doing? She made the decision to separate from you with asking you, she kept that a secret for a long period of time until she finally decided to do it. Now that she is separated from you she is trying to tell you what she isn't doing? I would ask where was the honesty when you were previously together when she was planning to leave you, never mentioned how unhappy she was and kept it from you so that you couldn't help her? In fact don't ask, the answer is she wasn't truly honest back then so even if she gave you an answer now to these questions, how could you confirm that she was honest? Plus her coming out and telling you specifically what she did last weekend, why the confession & admission to what she isn't doing? Why is she compelled to tell you what she isn't doing? If I didn't do anything and I was separated from my spouse, why would I have to tell my spouse what I had been doing? What would be the impetus, the motivation, for this extra information that you probably didn't ask for? When people feel guilty, really guilty, they end up talking too much, the conscience is trying to over compensate for the feelings of guilt - how would you know what she did anyways? What if she didn't go out? What if she had someone over? How could you or anyone else really know? Is someone monitoring her 24/7? The truth is you don't know, she could be telling the truth but she could also be lying, we don't know and won't really ever know. When you let go of the need to know what she is doing every second you are not with her, it will feel better for you. Your brain is working in maximum overdrive right now, being extra aware of every action, every word, every discussion in the past, present & future: with all of these conflicting thoughts racing through your head on a regular basis you are probably filled with stress, anxiety, depression, despair, emotional longing, you probably feel like you need to be close to her physically, to be held, kissed, loved. All very natural responses to a situation like this, I'm sure sleeping is crappy, I'm sure it's hard to concentrate at work and you probably feel exhausted quite a bit.
More later, stay strong guys, it's all you have control over. You can't control what your wives do and ultimately can't control if you get together or get divorced, the only thing you can control is yourself, your actions, your thoughts, your words and once you realize that you have this amount of control and it is your control, no one elses, you have the power to start feeling better, to start taking care of yourself and to love & respect yourself - that's the ultimate goal because at that point you will have found the courage, the bravery, the confidence that was stripped from you during this process.
I'm long winded as usual, talk later guys, let me know how you are doing!
