She is very likely lying to her attorney, about a number of things. While I wouldn't necessarily intentionally PROVOKE her too much, I would certainly be documenting what she's doing, and concurrently inform YOUR attorney, so that it's all on the record.
She is very likely lying to her attorney, about a number of things. While I wouldn't necessarily intentionally PROVOKE her too much, I would certainly be documenting what she's doing, and concurrently inform YOUR attorney, so that it's all on the record.
Puppy
Keeping it journaled and on video. I'm just not sure why she feels the need to become more brazen about it considering what I've already got.
I think part of her is upset that I'm not pursuing actually.
So now she has to 'vindicate' her choice by running headlong into it. Just seems like the recipe for an upcoming meltdown in court though...
"You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into."
It's pretty typical, actually, and it's one of the downsides of confrontation and exposure -- that aspect of "Well, crap -- now that this is all out in the open, I might as well just FLAUNT it!" thing.
It's pretty typical, actually, and it's one of the downsides of confrontation and exposure -- that aspect of "Well, crap -- now that this is all out in the open, I might as well just FLAUNT it!" thing.
Puppy
While I'm still set up to annihilate her legally, there is still part of me that is emotionally connected to her which makes it difficult to take actions against her without feeling bad about it. I imagine these displays harm my ego and cause me to lower my defenses for her.
Of course I'm pretty analytical and recognize these impulses for what they are, but the insomnia/depression still kicks in.
Should I make the A comfortable for her by not involving MIL/BIL or should I break up their party every time she is there? Not sure what effect that has on anything.
"You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into."
If it were me, and I found that sticking my nose in it DID NOT tend to suck me in emotionally (and that's VERY hard to pull off, even for a cold-hearted tactician like me, LOL), then I might engage in a little affairus interruptus every once in awhile. We can't CONTROL them, but there's nothing that says we have to make it EASY, or COMFORTABLE.
However, I can see it sucks you emotionally, so why even invest the energy??
However, I can see it sucks you emotionally, so why even invest the energy??
Puppy
At first it didn't, but it does now that I've backed off working on the legal case for a bit to focus on school. Primarily it bothers me when D1 is with her. Without, I'm actually not as bothered.
"You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into."
Got D1 today. Pickup went fine this morning. When I walked into MIL's house D1 saw me and broke out in a huge smile and almost ran towards me (she can barely walk). I've missed her since last Saturday... it is hard not seeing her much.
W was nice-ish, gave me a picture of D1 sitting on the Easter Bunny's lap. She seemed guilty acting, but otherwise was standoffish. MIL was overly nice, offering drink, etc. I politely declined and left to begin our day.
I took D1/S7/S8 to the mall. We went to the Disney store, ate some chicken nuggets/fries, and I bought D1 a beanie baby easter bunny. We went to the park, but we didn't stay long because it was a little cool.
Got back to my house around 1pm, and I put D1 in her bassinet to nap, but she kept going "DA DA!" so I fixed her a bottle and took her out. She fell asleep on my shoulder and I just let her sleep until MIL/W showed up around 4pm.
They had brought gifts for my sons for Easter, acted extremely nice, and even after they got everything D1 needed to leave they just stood around uncomfortably for a few minutes. MIL finally said "You know you are welcome any time at our house." I told her "I know." She then said that she was tired of dealing with all the stress. They left not long afterward.
Peculiar behavior. I'm not sure if they've gotten notice of the Psych Eval filing, but I had left a book on my couch "Stop Walking on Eggshells" relating to BPD and my W saw it when she was packing D1's stuff, and she kind of read the cover and quickly glanced away from it.
I had left it there intentionally to see if she had any sort of reaction.
Any thoughts on their behavior? Other than their attorney has probably told them I'm lined up for the kill?
"You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into."
W text-messaged me on Sunday around lunch asking if S7/S8 were having a good Easter. I replied back and asked about D1, and she said she was doing fine and enjoyed her Easter basket.
I feel almost like they are trying to appeal to me through my boys, which is how we ended up dating to begin with. First the Easter baskets, all the niceties, inviting me over saying I'm welcome "any time."
Says the people who filed against me alleging falsehoods hoping for a quick kill. Now all of a sudden they want me to feel pity because after all, how can I pick on little old them.
The sad thing is, I still have feelings for W which make it emotionally difficult to go after her like I am. Whenever I see her, I don't feel anything, but for a day or two afterward I feel confused, nostalgic, etc. and have to remind myself that she is selfish and only cares about herself and would leave me without anything if she could with her mental imbalance.
Part of me is tempted to threaten exposure on a larger scale (extended family/coworkers) if she doesn't come clean and cut the lies, but that is a card that can't be un-played.
Plus that stoops me to the level she has gone to with trashing me to everyone, people who don't matter, etc.
So anyway...
This morning I saw D1. She and I played on the floor of the nursery for a bit, and eventually she started going "uh" and reaching up for me. I picked her up and she laid her head on my shoulder. She always seems content around me.
I know on Saturday when I had her, I was napping next to her and she all of a sudden jerked her head up as if startled, but then she looked at me and laid her head on my shoulder and went right back to sleep.
Spoke to one of the daycare workers this morning, asked if she could keep me updated on D1. Will cut back text-messaging to W since all I ever get is "She's fine" as a response. Tired of feeding her ego by allowing her to act as the gatekeeper.
W has been trashing me to the daycare workers, but they are starting to lighten up around me because they have seen me there religiously for about 4 months now going to see D1. I'm guessing they know something is a bit off about W's story.
I did taxes last night (M filing Jointly) and I pro-rated the refund split based on a prior agreement with W. I guarantee she'll be upset when she sees the breakdown because she was probably counting on more money. Since she made 33% of the income, she only gets 33% of the refund.
After everything though, I feel kind of sad. As much as I hate to admit it my feelings for W are a liability. The emotion makes it difficult for me not to want to confront her on the A until getting the truth out of her. Or reasoning with her. All of which I know is pointless.
"You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into."
After everything though, I feel kind of sad. As much as I hate to admit it my feelings for W are a liability. The emotion makes it difficult for me not to want to confront her on the A until getting the truth out of her. Or reasoning with her. All of which I know is pointless.
DC,
I certainly can empathize with these kinds of thoughts, but really -- what purpose would it serve? Don't you pretty much know "the truth" anyway???
fwiw, I did, in my situation, finally re-confront my wife at about the 60-day mark, and insist that she stop lying about me to her parents and our daughters, and that if she DIDN'T stop, I would share my evidence of her affair with them. I figured I couldn't stop her from lying about her affair, but I damned sure was going to make sure she stopped lying about me.
I certainly can empathize with these kinds of thoughts, but really -- what purpose would it serve? Don't you pretty much know "the truth" anyway???
fwiw, I did, in my situation, finally re-confront my wife at about the 60-day mark, and insist that she stop lying about me to her parents and our daughters, and that if she DIDN'T stop, I would share my evidence of her affair with them. I figured I couldn't stop her from lying about her affair, but I damned sure was going to make sure she stopped lying about me.
Puppy
I guess the only purpose is feeding my desire not to be lied to. I gave enough of my life to this person that I feel the absolute least I deserve is the truth from her own mouth. I've always been honest with her, and I've always done exactly what I said I was going to do.
I know I'm being lied to. She knows she is lying. I figure there is no point to it, because all she is doing in the end is causing more damage.
In your situation, how did your re-confront go?
I would love to end her A or at the very least tell me that she is ending her M because she is having an A. Lying on the way out is what is upsetting to me.
"You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into."
