Hey, ot, talking to me? I'm on almost 2 +1/2 YEARS now! (Wow, I just counted that up!!!!)
Gwyn, IC is a good idea. The other thing to think about it getting out there to try things that you used to enjoy a long time ago, or things you thought about but were "too busy." You will figure out what you want as you learn more about yourself, who you really are, what you value in your life and what makes you happy.
I've been at it a long time, now, and I can say that there are moments when I am literally jumping up and down with joy and excitement, usually when I am doing something really fun with my kids, making my own art, or teaching.
Its all about refocusing your thoughts on YOU every time your mind wanders to anyone outside of yourself (what they are doing, what they are thinking, especially if it is negative or judgemental).
I was in IC for a year. For me, it was a bunch of exercises to retrain your thoughts. It cost me a lot of money and I just don't have that kind of money anymore, not to mention they want to meet during working hours, which I don't have the luxery of taking time off to go.
My ex finance, well, we're still talking and let's see, I've been called cheap, a user, a taker, I didn't meet his needs, I was in it for myself with no concern about him. OMG, we're not even together anymore and I still let him do this. I'm letting him vent, and I don't know how to stop this cycle except for not talking to him anymore, and I can't seem to get there.
I don't want to do this anymore! I don't want to have this low opinion of myself, but with all the crap I've gone through the last 2 1/2 years, it's no wonder I feel so overwhelmed. I just need to breathe, I need to stop obssessing. Oh by the way, I am OCD and that's very hard to overcome. And, my ex fiance is worse than I am, so we're poisen together. Yet, I let him bring me down, all the time. Why do I do this? Why do I let him? How do I stop?
Al-anon is a support group for people with family members who are/were addicts. They can help you with your co-dependence issues. They are free. And they have meetings at night.
As for XH and XF, they don't seem to be adding positively to the quality of your life, so exclude them from it. Quit interacting with them at all.
I don't think anyone in my family was addicted. They may have had some issues with drinking, but I don't think they were addicts.
I've been reading and explored co-dependency when I was in IC and even thought I may have some of the tendencies, but I'm not toally co-dependent. Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't see where having a significant other in your life, to share and to love is wrong. I believe it's a problem when you think that being in a relationship makes you feel that you're a whole person. I don't think I do that. With that being said, I like being in a relationship. I like the security, the companionship and someone that you can count on. That's not co-dependent is it? If it were, then all married people are co-dependent.
No, having a significant other is not co-dependence.
However, it seems to me that you are very co-dependent. You are still making your life about XH and XBF in very unhealthy ways. You acted very co-dependent in your M.
I don't really have any advice for you other than to continue to seek help. Al-anon would be a great place to start. If you aren't comfortable after you start going, someone would probably know of another co-dependent support group of some kind in your area. At least al-anon is free, meets at night, easily accessible, and of great potential benefit to you.
To be blunt, there is the same kind of denial/resistance/nay-saying/poor-me-victim stuff going on in your posts now as there was when you were posting before.
You are stuck. You need to work on yourself. D didn't fix you (told you so). You don't have a BF at the moment to blame for your unhappiness. So maybe now you will work harder on yourself and your own issues from your childhood that are damning your current Rs.
And, for me to be blunt, I don't need to be "fixed" I'm not broken. I did check on the al-anon meetings here in town and guess where they are held? In the psycho hospital which I have no intentions of stepping a foot in. Look, I have life trouble. Not over the top trouble. I know you mean well and maybe I do need to work on myself, but guess what? People are victims at one point or another in their life. There isn't anything crazy about that!
Okay, I came back to the board to vent, catch up, and to journal. I don't need for someone to sit in judgment and tell me not to feel sorry for myself. Why the hell not? I've been through a lot. And, I'be been through a year of IC. I'm done with it. I've spent hundreds of dollars and guess what I got for my money, let's see..... oh yeah, nothing.
Okay so I have issues, who doesn't? I'll get over mine, always have and I suspect I always will. One day at a time......
A very weak excuse this time... What is wrong with setting a foot in a mental health hospital? That is simply where al-anon meetings in your area happen to be held. So what? It is simply a convenient meeting space, no doubt.
Yes, everyone has issues. But you are in great pain. Be good to yourself by trying to do something about it.
I'm on almost 2 +1/2 YEARS now! (Wow, I just counted that up!!!!)