Husband of WAW

[antlers]

This is what I'm doing. I'm eating a lot of crap...I don't like the taste. But I sure dished out a lot of crap myself over the years...TONS of it.

THAT'S NOT VALIDATING!!!!!

To her it's NOT "CRAP", I can not stress that enough. If you think what she says now is "crap", buddy, you might as well pack your bags now because later on when she reaches out for you in an attempt to do what you so hope for, guess what, you're going to think that's "crap" too and let your chance blow right on by!

There is reason in her mind to say what she is saying. You need to just listen to what she says and try and understand why and if you can't just go along with it and figure it out later. That is validating.

That said and in conjunction with your first reply, don't make this a 24/7 endeavor and rush it. Devote some 'R & R' time to get your mind off things for a bit. Even if you figure all problems out and make those corrections in a week (which is impossible anyway), guess what? It will mean nothing until she is ready. So if you're hunter than you've also got a be a hands on do-it-yourselfer as well and know the motto, if you're going to something, do it right the first time.

WHOA! Let me be more clear. I didn't mean it the way you took it. Whatever she vents at me, I validate it. I understand that she feels that way, and I understand that she feels justified in what she says. I listen to whatever she says, most of it painful to hear, with the attitude that those are her feelings and thoughts right now, and I understand that. I even tell her, "I understand that you feel that way."

Maybe it was a poor choice of words on my part. I meant that I was hearing some really hurtful and hateful stuff from her for a while now, and I just listen to her and validate it. Period. It hurts to hear this stuff coming from her that is directed at me, but I'm 'taking it on the chin' because that's what I need to do right now. I'm not going to 'get into it' with her at all. And I also realize that I spewed forth a lot of hateful and hurtful stuff directed at her over the years.

I Know that PATIENCE is paramount.