The W sent me a one line e-mail yesterday stating that she was unable to book a flight back to her mom's for the weekend. I replied back that I was sorry. I also invited her over to the house this weekend because several family members were coming down and we are going to smoke a brisket and do the family thing. I also suggested that maybe we could find a neutral activity to go enjoy together (movie, comedy show, etc...). Something that wasn't too intimate where we had to sit and discuss everything.
Unfortunately I didn't give myself time before replying to her message. I just fired back a quick response trying to get us to see each other. I had a lot of regret after doing that and made a deal with myself that I won't respond to any e-mails until a couple of hours afters. I never received a response from her and really didn't expect to get one.
This detachment is tough stuff! Every time I feel like I am making good headway and set my mind, I do something silly and slide right back. The slips are becoming much less frequent though. I will keep getting back up and dusting myself off.
In the recent days I am finding that my thoughts are shifting somewhat. Ultimately, it comes down to the fact that I am not ok with how she went about abandoning her marriage, home, responsibilities, family and friends. It is obvious that she didn't consider the consequences of her actions and didn't have a realistic view of what it was going to be like. Not that I love her any less or don't want to make this marriage work, but that it is ok for me to see this situation as it is. She is frustrated and confused because she is trying to justify her decisions and actions, yet nobody is buying it. The bottom line is that she should had came out and talked about her dissatisfaction with someone prior to acting so aggressively.
Today is a day of boundaries for myself. This must happen for me to continue on with any sort of a normal life. She knows my stance about wanting to save this marriage and that is all that I can do. The more I pull,,,, the more she pushes.
Thanks for letting me vent! ;-)
M 30 WAW 29 T 15 M 5 ILYBNILWY 3/8/09 Separated 3/14/09
