Need Help handling affair thats still going on

[kjensen]

Thanks TH. I really don't think H is planning a future with the OW. He told me as much in a text(I know I can't always believe him) and from what I know about her-they really have the being active thing in common, but if she is scary when she is angry and have already had some fights...I don't think its meant to last..
When my H realizes he has everything to lose and not a "little to lose" I think things will turn. Not sure when that will happen, but we will see.

Saw H briefly this morning as I left. He slept better last night(which is GOOD-sleep deprivation makes everything worse!)
Had a nice hug. Things felt OK.
My Plan:
-Always be working on staying detached and emotionally healthy-no rescuing behavior.
-Low or no expectations, keep hopes in check.
-Be pleasant and upbeat.
-Listen more than I speak. Use Active listening/validation as needed.
-No R/A/OW talk(this I have been doing well until yesterday-then just about R)
-Show H through actions and NOT words, that I am forgiving and NOT judging him.
-Do things for me and spend wuality time with my girls.


Its hard when H perceives everyone he knows as being a judge and jury on his behavior-he transfers a LOT of stuff onto everyone around him. Don't know how/when this transferrence thing dissipates. I think once he sees he's projecting his feelings and their not coming from the outside, things can improve, because then I (and his friends who care deeply for him) won't be the enemy.. Anyone go through this projection/transferrence stuff with a spouse?