finding my time here on this bb coming to an end..I've watched too many people come and go to stick around for much longer.
finding that the more I listen to people the less I like people...
people are selfish and dishonest..
it seems to me that even the "good ones" have something to hide...(this is not in reference to h, but in reference to most of the people that are honest with me)
why?
who knows..
I used to trust my h...
part of me naively still does trust him...
part of me feels really stupid for trusting him in what he claims about his r with ow never reaching a physical point..
part of me knows that my h and I will be just fine...
part of me will always wonder if I'm believing a lie..
part of me will miss the bb...
part of me needs to hang on to it...
part of me knows that it is keeping me back and I must move on.
h and I are going to mass tonight at a small old stone church in our town...we haven't gone to mass together since son was just a little one in the car seat carrier...it will be nice to go with him...but it may also be difficult..I know that he hasn't been to mass himself in a long time (I had started going every sunday during our sep while he watched the kids but stopped when he came home as he became busy in the yard or watching football and me taking two little ones to mass myself would leave me to get nothing out of it) knowing him he will not go up for communion...I think we both need to go to confession (I was always surprised when he would go voluntarily when it was offered after a wedding or other event that brought us to church)
I'm looking forward to the weekend (next) away with him...but I am saddend to say that I don't want to celebrate our anniversary (the reason we are going away) this year..I don't feel married...those vows were broken..not so much the ow but the leaving and asking for d etc. I don't want to buy a card...I will however buy him a new chain for the cross I gave him on our wedding day.
I wish I could you a great big hug right now. I'm not good at giving advice, but have been following your sitch. Two of my very best friends are in the same situation you are, the H's never left them or have had OW, but they spend very little time together doing things. My friend C and her H pretty much go there separate ways, do their own thing, haven't ML in almost 11 years. My other friend C2 and her H never do anything together either, he does his thing, she does hers. They have a pet and the pet is more important to H then his wife. She's really at the stage where she could become a WAW and there are days I want to call her H and say wake up! She's going to walk on you....I can see it coming. She's told him many times that she's unhappy but he's ignoring all the signs. My friend P and her H were split but are back together, nothing has changed with them, her H is drinking a lot, being an ass, I think he's in MLC with the way she describes his actions and the way he's treating here. She might walk againg. It's a sad, sad world out there and I guess you just have to live your life the best you can, be happy, and not too needy, and with an attitude of I can make it on my own. Just give up and decide you're going to be happy no matter whay, do your thing, do things that you really enjoy and then see what happens. I bet you could draw your H back to you.
It's his problem right now, he needs to deal with it. I think you worry to much about him and what he's doing, thinking, let him fall asleep on the couch, heck why don't you disconnect the cable service and not tell him. No TV, or would he got to one of his buddies. Instead of him watching sports on TV, why don't you suggest going to a sportsbar and watching the game there, it's a different environment. I don't know if he drinks, but a few beers always gets my H talking. If he lost you he'd lose the best thing that ever happened to him, believe it!
Oh well, I don't know if I've been any help, but I hope I didn't say anything to offend you either. Whatever you diecide I would miss if you left this BB, I really have gotten a lot of insight into things from you and others here and don't where I'd be without this BB.
I have wanted for a long time to slap ow in the face or at least to call her and say.."so do you feel like a chump now?" but never did because of the way I was led to believe things were ended with them...h still "in love" with her but needing to go back to his family...
wanted to shove her letters (the ones I found that h supposedly put in a dumpster afterward) in her face and ridicule her for writing such childish things...
well now I know I don't have to do any of that...
I asked h if she was "bitchy" when he decided to come home...yup! she was
h in telling me that she's just a customer..someone he takes money from..he's not thrilled with the constant reminder of his mistake in keeping her a customer and the pathetic way he must now deal with that house (leaving a message when he needs to be there so that she can leave and never going there alone) he told me..you can look at my cell bill, etc even the stuff that you found it's all gone...
get this one..I wish I could have seen the look on her face or her h's face...
h put all her letters and pics and the foolish heart charm that she gave him in a bag with no note no words..in her mailbox.
hee hee hee....
awww poor baby!!
oh well...
LL's gonna be ok...our r still needs some work...
I'm trying to believe h when he tells me their r just never got to the physical point...and perhaps with time I will believe him...or perhaps I will learn that I'm right not to believe him..either way..
h came home because he loves his wife and kids!
even if I were to leave h, decide I've had enough...h doesn't want to be with anyone else.
Sounds like you had a conversation that was a long-time coming. You've got some of the answers you needed and now you can have a very different perspective when he goes to her house (sounds like he's ready to change that anyway).
It must be very satisfying to you to hear these things. Does he know how much that helps, so he can keep doing it?
He FINALLY opened up...I LOVE where that detritus from their silly R ended up!!! She MUST have felt like SUCH a fool to have that stuff dumped off to her that way...what if her H DID find it all first???
I don't think you need to slap her in the face anymore, LL, your H did it FOR you!!!
I think one of the reasons I kept coming back by your threads was the solid introspective analysis you kept pouring out here. The things you wrote challenged us. They made us think. Sometimes the thoughts were - is this lady nuts?? But more often the thoughts were about ourselves and how we each have to walk this path and be satisfied that we have done all that we could to save something that was once precious to us. It made us question our committment at times - or if we should be committed.
LL, you are a bright, funny, insightful, call-it-like-you-see-it Lady.If you leave the board to get on with the rest of your life, you will be missed. But then maybe that will be better for you and your family too. This BB can become VERY addictive, and that isn't good for any of us when we reach that point. At some point I too will reach this crossroads of stepping away and not coming back to this site. I only hope that I can do it with as much class and love and intelligence as you have.
I can understand your frustrations. You know what you feel inside and it doesn't feel very good to be the one who is always putting out the affection. I can relate. For me what works best with my H is not playing games but being direct and asking for how I want things to be and trying to guide him. In some cases people don't even realize that they need the affection...
P>S>
Hi Greg nice to see you are doing well still.)Lynn)
Quote: LL's gonna be ok...our r still needs some work...
I'm trying to believe h when he tells me their r just never got to the physical point...and perhaps with time I will believe him...or perhaps I will learn that I'm right not to believe him..either way..
I'd give him the benefit of the doubt. He came back to you....so does it matter? Keep plugging....lots of folks here would love to have the chance to make their R work.
Quote: I'd give him the benefit of the doubt. He came back to you....so does it matter? Keep plugging....lots of folks here would love to have the chance to make their R work.
