I took your advice and called the guy yesterday evening. He said he was just on the way home from work. He received my email but only had a glace at it since he is snowed under with work. That we will keep in touch and if he gets to my part of the country again he will contact me. He has not yet answered my e-mail. - Oh well, I guess that was it. Never mind, he lives too far away in any case.
Today was yet another beautiful and warm day and the weather forecast is good until Easter Sunday.
I met the "hiker" again today and we went to the same place as last time. All the flowers are in bloom and it all looked so pretty. I asked him what kind of interests he has apart from his job, hiking and one more thing and he said that there was nothing else and that he didn't like art, meaning modern art. I told him that I would go to a blues concert in the evening and that he would be welcome to join me. He declined. So I went on my own.
I thought today that I am getting a bit bored even with just being with him. There are so many other things one can do in life and he doesn't want to do anything. He doesn't like travelling either. I have the feeling that in a few weeks we won't know anymore what to talk about.
Anyway, I am enjoying the beautiful and warm weather. I might meet a GF tomorrow or on Saturday.
I have decided not to send Easter greetings to XH. So far I always did.
XH wrote – not to wish me happy Easter but to try again to manipulate me into getting some of the money I will get! He writes that since he cannot afford to buy a car he has to ride a motor bike in the rain which is very dangerous and it's a matter of time before he has an accident. I should prove to him that I care by letting him have some of HIS money and not just by writing that I care.
Since I am not very subtle in writing I would appreciate some help from anybody in this.
I would like to write that I am sorry he is in that situation but why does he have to stay where he is during the rainy period? Why does he not just move to where it will be dry? That he just received the proceeds of some other sale which surely would buy a cheap car if he does not want to move!
What I would really like to write is that he is NUTS! That he spent all the money with his women and now wants me to give up some of my share. And what he said to a mutual friend regarding me not getting anything. His actions were his decisions. HE made the bed so HE has to lie in it!
All he wants is make me weak so that I give in and say yes to what he wants. I will never understand him in a million years that he threw his nice live away just to live like he does!
True, You know what I would do? I'd delete the message and go on my merry way. You are divorced and you do not need to be bothered w/this nonsense any longer. He needs to understand that you've moved on. Do not get sucked into his drama. You need the money as well to live on.
Delete the message.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
TL you are in a tough situation. If it were me, I would e-mail and say something like h sorry you are feeling this way and you find yourself in the situation with transportation.
I am not able to help in anyway. Happy Easter!
or you could just delete, but I always try to confront as to ignore. At least then I am not disrespecting by not getting back to them, but setting boundaries as well.
Like my xh has contacted me of most recent. I could choose not to return his call, but I will phone back and set boundaries.
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
True, You will have to do what you feel is best. However, do keep in mind that this is the way that your xh sucks you back into his drama and keeps you mulling things over.
It's not your problem or fault that he doesn't have a car. It's not you fault he's living where he's at. He's a big boy and needs to learn that every action has a consequence to it.
True, please do not allow this man to ruin your weekend. If you must respond, sit on it for a while and then send a very short and to the point email and do be sure to remind him that you need your money to live on as well.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
TL I am a very confrontational person (perhaps that's why I find myself here) but if it were me I would do exactly this:
Quote:
What I would really like to write is that he is NUTS! That he spent all the money with his women and now wants me to give up some of my share. And what he said to a mutual friend regarding me not getting anything. His actions were his decisions. HE made the bed so HE has to lie in it!
IMO it's time your XH (and mine) heard some home truths.
However a better way may be to follow Snodderly's advice and just delete the email. It depends on whether you think either action will make him stop this horrendous onslaught of projection or whether it will perpetuate it.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
Thank you for your posts, they are most appreciated.
I thought I would just ignore it, and if I cannot do so in a few days, I will send a short e-mail.
What makes me so sad is that XH tries to use my good nature at his advantage. He knows exactly that I care about him and tries to use that in order to get what he wants.
However, the thing bothering me a bit is that I would never forgive myself if something really did happen to XH because of him not having a car. But I also thought that it might not even be true at all that he has a motor bike and just writes it so that I would give in. Who knows, he has lied to me so often that I cannot tell anymore what is true or not. And as you said Snodderly,
Quote:
It's not you fault he's living where he's at. He's a big boy and needs to learn that every action has a consequence to it.
- exactly, it is his decision to live where he is and he can move if he wants to.
I had a good day despite all of this. It was a sunny and warm day again and I met a GF at my favourite restaurant for an ice cream. Afterwards we went for a long walk. Of course, we were talking more or less about only one subject. She also has problems with her H who has a "week-end lover" but still lives at home! It is so sad that almost every marriage has problems these days!
Thank you again for your continuous support and I wish you all happy Easter.
The nice days will come to an end soon according to the weather forecast. That's why I went for a hike this MORNING! Initially, I was supposed to meet a group but I was a few minutes late and there was nobody at the meeting point anymore. So I went on my own. - Today everything seems in bloom and the fruit trees are white with blossom.
In the afternoon I sat in the garden and wrote a few things. It was just lovely outside and we have had temperatures between 60 and 70F. I hardly noticed that it was dinner time as we have summer time now and the sun goes down later every day.
We had just beautiful weather over Easter and I had a lovely time visiting my niece and her family with my sisters. We had such fun. There was a young relative there and she told my niece afterwards that she never met ladies at our age who were so lively. She thought that sometimes not even 20 year olds are as lively and laugh as much. A lady who is my age said that I don't look unhappy being divorced. I told her that in that case I can hide it well!
Yesterday my GF came round and we first went for a nice walk on the waterfront and then we sat in the garden and had some strawberries and cream. It was another lovely day.
I am tired now since I am not used to walking in the morning and for so long!
