I agree that ritual, especially shared with others who mourn, is important. We have rituals to acknowledge birth and death. We celebrate the marriage ceremony, but have nothing equivilant for divorce. The divorce "parties" I have heard of seem to be more geared towards helping the 'bereaved' move on in terms of dating again, rather than mourning the loss the marriage. Perhaps you could think of a ritual which would be meaningful for you and invite friends you have who would support you in grieving the loss.
It is very hard to see someone you love in pain. I know you wish you could help her, but your presence simply seemed to allow her to blame her unhappiness and rage on you. Maybe that is another difference with death. Depending on your beliefs, many think that the departed is now in a better place, a place where they are free of pain and trouble and where they are filled with peace. In a divorce like yours, you know that is not the case.
I am glad you are doing pretty well Carlos. The grief may come in waves and in stages. I know you will let it, and that you will move through it.
