finding my time here on this bb coming to an end..I've watched too many people come and go to stick around for much longer.
finding that the more I listen to people the less I like people...
people are selfish and dishonest..
it seems to me that even the "good ones" have something to hide...(this is not in reference to h, but in reference to most of the people that are honest with me)
why?
who knows..
I used to trust my h...
part of me naively still does trust him...
part of me feels really stupid for trusting him in what he claims about his r with ow never reaching a physical point..
part of me knows that my h and I will be just fine...
part of me will always wonder if I'm believing a lie..
part of me will miss the bb...
part of me needs to hang on to it...
part of me knows that it is keeping me back and I must move on.
h and I are going to mass tonight at a small old stone church in our town...we haven't gone to mass together since son was just a little one in the car seat carrier...it will be nice to go with him...but it may also be difficult..I know that he hasn't been to mass himself in a long time (I had started going every sunday during our sep while he watched the kids but stopped when he came home as he became busy in the yard or watching football and me taking two little ones to mass myself would leave me to get nothing out of it) knowing him he will not go up for communion...I think we both need to go to confession (I was always surprised when he would go voluntarily when it was offered after a wedding or other event that brought us to church)
I'm looking forward to the weekend (next) away with him...but I am saddend to say that I don't want to celebrate our anniversary (the reason we are going away) this year..I don't feel married...those vows were broken..not so much the ow but the leaving and asking for d etc. I don't want to buy a card...I will however buy him a new chain for the cross I gave him on our wedding day.
