Quote: that's how I feel when h starts giving...what's this..he's calling me...what's this...he's giving me a hug...what's this...he's asking me to go out...what's this..he's making plans for dinner for tommorow night? what's this...he's thinking of me...what's this????
Is it "what's this...what a jerk he is for doing this now"? or "what is this...I don't recognize this niceness and love"? or something entirely different? perhaps a bit of both....perhaps a bit of who is this guy and why doesn't he stay? I think you'd understand better if you saw the movie....jack finds all the excitement of christmas town over whelming...looking here there and everywhere...what's this...what's this, he likes it, wants it, wants to make it his own.
Quote: I hate the fact that this always seems to come about with me getting so fed up that I just give up and retreat to doing my own thing...reside to having a roomate with no interest...
maybe it isn't that you get so "fed up" ll...maybe it's that when you retreat you give him room to try some things out...? make some overtures of his own? I don't think you quiet understand me sage, I am not at his feet...I am here doing what I do...he is still here just doing what he does..in fact right now he's probably asleep on the damn couch AGAIN...I've decided once again...screw him...I will not spend my life in front of a tv just to spend time with a man who is asleep..I will read or go out or do whatever I want to do and leave him there to catch flies. A week or so of that and I get..."maybe we could go to the drive in sat" I continue to do my own thing thereafter and today I get..."why don't you see if your mom can baby sit and well go out again sat night" so it does seem that I have to be an uncaring, cold typical w who just doesn't care in order for my h to take any initiative. I would like for him to want to spend time with me this all just feels like ok well she's not happy, she's pulled away...maybe I'll take her out and then I'll get myself out of the dog house for a while. to be honest I was shocked at his suggestion for a repeat this saturday.
Quote: I wonder how many times we can go through this cycle before that alien mind of a waw takes over me...
You can stop the cycle I think...it takes two (I think) to perpetuate it. the only way to stop it is to become content with the status quo and never actually become comfortable and feel safe enough to express my love to h..only indifference. because it is when I start to inititate hugs or hello calls or anything that he pulls away.
Quote: I wonder how to get the cycle to stop...
I wonder how to show h that if he gives a little he'll get a lot...
He IS giving a little (a lot?) he is giving just enough to get by ... he's asked you to do stuff a couple of times in the last few weeks..what you've been hoping for, right??? what I've been asking for for YEARS...phases of trying nothing, asking directly, making vauge suggestions etc...all without reading books...now when I'm pretty close to just residing myself to being a wife and mother...sitting in a room alone reading books and thinking of crafty ways to decorate while my h sits in another room and falls asleep watching whatever sporting even happens to be on occassionally talking on the phone to buddie this is when h decides to ask me to do something? but mind you he will sit on that couch and fall asleep every night but that one so I will go out with someone I don't really know.
What is different about what h is actually DOING vs what you want him to do?? because it seems (in quotes) that he's doing what you're asking for....are you upping the ante???? not uping the ante at all...having one night a week that we do something (anything) together is but one of the things I'd like to have in this r...that's enough to get us by for now...
