"I have come to lose the smog, And I feel myself a cog in somethin' turning. And maybe it's the time of year, Yes and maybe it's the time of man. And I don't know who I am, But life is for learning."
So I am still processing Teh Outing. Not very coherent right now, but that's probably the combination of half a bottle of Cabernet and a Xanax.
I'll post some highlights, lowlights -- somethinglights just to give you an idea of how it went. Random order -- no particular significance, just how they pop into the head.
*Weather mostly cooperated, which was helpful because it kept us outside
*Tension. Probably not obvious to the other museum-goers but obvious enough to us that W asked at picnic lunch "do you think there's ever going to be a time when we can be comfortable around each other?" SP: "Honestly? I don't know."
*No R talk for most of the outing. W brought the R up mid-way through lunch (seared ahi, peppered cold tenderloin, pasta salad, crusty French bread, fresh fruit, half-bottle of Cabernet, water). Following pollyanna's advice, I behaved like a wooden dummy until the conversation got rational and sane.
*R talk --
+You don't think I'm happy I'm hurting you, do you? No, I don't think that.
+Whatever else happens between us, it can't happen without a separation. I have to get space for awhile. And whatever that might be, it can't be marriage. The institution is like a noose around my neck. Okay, I hear you.
(And then following DB Coach's advice when I asked about this possibility, I asked W to describe what she thought that meant, what it looked like -- compelled W to formulate a vision of post-D world and to talk about it while I was silent.)
+Why do you think I'm having an affair? [And I explained why I thought what she was doing constituted an affair.] But you don't think that it's the cause of this, do you? [Tough one. I went with: I understand that you don't think it is, and I've heard you say that it isn't. From my POV, even if it wasn't the cause, it affects the way you evaluate the situation.]
+I have a lot of feelings about you, I can't deny it. I like you. I care about you. I have other feelings, too. And anger. But right now, all I see is the anger. Okay, I hear you. I understand that.
+I know no one will ever love me the way you did. [Another tough one. Resist rescuing. But an opening? So I went with: Your verb tense is wrong. I know that doesn't affect anything. You'll do what you think you need to do. But if you're going to be fair, get your verb tense right. I may not be happy right now, I may disagree with your decisions -- and I do -- but the proper verb tense is not past tense.]
+You seem to have accepted this. You're moving on. I've accepted my part in it. And I've accepted that I have to change to make me a better person for me and the kids.
+I don't expect you to wait for me. [Blech!] Okay, I hear you..
And that's about all I've processed at the moment.
