...my sister asked me something tonight that made me think it actually blew me away a little, she said whats it like now at home? bet your shattered doing all the chores and shopping and stuff, and working also, i said yea i am, then something clicked, i said hang on im actually doing all the stuff i did while my wife was still around, only difference is she aint here. so what im trying to say is nothing has changed for me except my wife has left, so i was a doormat before she left, dont get me wrong i did like taking care of her. looking back i think i did to much for her i looked weak in her eyes, o yea she thank me for what i do and did and tell people how wonderful i was, not saying men shouldn't do anything, its nice to be nice but maybe i did to much?"
Remember this point, you are allowed to do anything you want, you are a MAN and an ADULT. Being a responsible adult and helping at home isn't a bad thing. However if you are working full time and then coming home and putting in another full-time shift, you should also expect your spouse to do the same: not more or less. If your spouse is working full-time but comes home and waits for you to do the house work you are communicating indirectly (or possibly directly) that it's ok for that behavior to exist in your relationship. As a man you don't have to be forceful with your spouse and men don't need slaves. Spouses are PARTNERS not slaves so we expect spouses to share in the workload, that's why it's a partnership, we share the responsibilities. Is it going to be 50/50 everytime? No probably not and you would be seriously anal if you could chart the house work down to the last percent to make sure you guys were equal in that respect. But if you're coming home and you're expected to do the lion's share of the housework as well and it's an expectation, why have you allowed that expectation to exist? Here's an example of good communication, sharing responsibilities, etc. If I cook dinner can I expect you to clean up & wash the dishes afterwards? If I vacuum the living room & bedrooms can you clean the bathroom? If I mow the lawn can you get me a drink because it's hot outside and I'll be thirsty afterwards?
Or you could do it your way: if I do all the housework, take care of the kids and work full-time will you love me? Because if you don't love me and I work very hard in & out of the home, I will be resentful, I'll feel like a victim, etc.
