lol, thanks Kalni. I had a load of time on my hands today... I was in bed as my cold has developed into some kind of chest infection and I have some kind of toe injury which means I can't walk... it is really quite comical. As my cat wasn't a great conversationalist I thought I should keep myself busy (I typed busty then! )
I know what you are saying in your last post, and I do see that. However, I have the time at the moment and I seem to have the inclination. Plus, it is what I want. When H left we had just had a terrible first year of marriage... he nearly died and had a huge shock of finding out he had a chronic disease. It isn't an excuse for leaving me I know but I do know it caused him great turmoil. After our last talk we had that breakthrough and I would like to see where it takes us, plus we have to deal with this house sale so I want to DBust to the max and make sure I don't backslide as it will be an emotional time for me.
You are right Al, won't it be great when we know how things are resolved. Resolution will be great.
Resolution??? Clarity???? Seems an impossibility right now doesn't it?
Your list is fabulous Julia. You have taken so many steps forward. I wonder if your H has done any real work on himself or if he's continuing to drift in his 'netherworld'.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
You know, I really thought he hadn't done work but it became apparent to me at our last meeting that he has, in his own way. I don't know what he has done, or to what extent but things are happening over there, even if not necessarily favourably towards me. That is ok...
It is weird because I talked to my ex BIL a few months ago who walked away from my sister and my two nephews. It was good to get his experience which is 5 years after he left. My sister and family and I thought he just didn't do anything, in fact he said it tormented him for years and he suffered with depression and also sought counselling to try and resolve things. He came to some weird conclusions but it did open my eyes to the fact that he had done work even though none of us knew and showed me some of the turmoil that WAS's go through. It was a really interesting conversation...
H texted me last night about meeting to discuss the split of the proceeds of the house. It seems a really awkward subject for him... I have no idea what he will propose but I do know that he is nervous/ feeling awkward about it, as am I. I just texted back saying 'Sure, when?'
I feel more confident about it than I did when we were going to discuss it before and he forgot the papers. He hasn't replied yet, it is an emotional subject so it will take him a while... I have the patience... I think
Edit - I forgot to say (((((Mishka)))))) lovely to 'see' you
That must have been an extremely strange convo for you with your ex BIL. Do they have a friendly R now? Are there any interactions that you have seen between them that you might want to model?
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
No, it is very frosty. I positively do not model my relationship on them. They have never changed a thing in their relationship and they just repeat and repeat negative behaviour. I find it really sad as they had chances to reconcile. There is fault on both sides but it was really interesting to talk to him and get a WAH perspective.
I like your list, and I hope you feel better soon. What's wrong with your toe?!
I was just wondering- are you tracking baby steps from H, or are you doing the things that work from your list and combining that with being patient? Just curious.... one thing I think I've learnt over the past couple of years is that the 'crisis' walkaway doesn't do baby steps so much and although they respond to some DBing they are mainly on their own journey. I think your H is one of those (as opposed to being unsatisfied in the M itself), but that is JMHO!
Too bad they were able to resolve their issues enough to be friendly. Who knows, maybe whatever R your and your H have coming out of this will be something they could model. Just a thought.
Yes, what is wrong with your toe exactly?
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Hey Julia, I'm sorry to hear about your house selling. You seem to be handling it all quite well. On the positive side, this will show your H that you Can work through things together. Yes...., in a warped way .....
Me39, XH45 Kids 3 dogs, 2 cats Divorced 6/4/09 Tricky thing is not how you live, but how you live with yourself. (POTC)
(((Lisa))) Long time no speak! We shall have to catch up really soon. I was going to text you and ask if you are around on Monday but I see not. Have lots of fun.
In answer to your question, the changes I have made are all steps in reducing guilt as I think this is a major issue with h. I agree patience is the key and there isn't a great deal I can do however these changes have made a difference. There wasn't a great deal wrong with our marriage, it was more circumstance, however most of the damage seemed to be done after he left so I am working on getting away from being that person and being the greener grass. I think this can't do me any harm either. I'm not expecting huge leaps but I figure it can't help to maximise my chances and be positive.
(((Mishka))) I'm not really sure what is wrong with my toe. I think it might be a ganglion as I have one on my wrist, nothing serious but it is painful. I'm going to the doctors after the bank holiday weekend
(((Ms M))) You are so right about maybe it showing him and me that we can work together. Hopefully eh? Like all DBing it is so counter-intuitive eh? It's a strange old world!!
I went to see The Boat That Rocked at the cinema tonight which was good fun and went shopping with my sister. I bought series 1 of Heros on DVD so I thought I might make my way through that over the weekend!
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