I realize this is a forum with R or M, so I am glad you did not take offense of my questions, as I have more to badger about your feelings and communications with all of your immediate family members, not just with your H...
Quoting lostlove:dad had cheated on mom...mom threw him out and eventually took him back (she got tired of being alone with three kids)
I am sorry about that experience you had about your Dad. How do you FEEL about his decisions and actions? Anger, devastation, fear, or anything else? Did you talk about these FEELINGS with your mom? How does she FEEL? Can you and your mom openly talk about this terrible experience, or you feel that it is a taboo that you are compelled to protect her from getting in touch with this past history?
On the same token, did you share your feelings, in a calm and non-judgmental way, with your dad? Can you talk about this at all with the idea to understand more about the circumstances involved? Can you tell me, in an objective understanding, what kind of person (not the sense of good or bad, but what kind of personality) he is, what his feelings were when he had those cheating actions, what his thought process were, his achievements in his life besides R, and how he feels now towards his decisions over the years?
Quoting lostlove: as far as my personal goals...well I know that I can't fully envelope myself in anything for a few years (when dd starts school) but I do have some things in mind...
Well, LL, how do you FEEL about this choice? I know you are a dedicated mom and taking care of the kids and your home is a gratifying experience to you. But do you feel comfortable with where you are so far with regards to your plan, or you feel you are imposed with the obligations that inevitably distract you from where you want to be personally? After all, do you feel satisfied to define the life of LL by taking care of family and kids? What are the plans, no matter preliminary or detailed, that you have to define LL's entire life in the future that you can share with us?
How about your mom? Where do you see her, by your OWN standard, in terms of having a successful and balanced life between her career and the kids? Did you share your feelings about your own life plan, as I mentioned in the previous paragraph, with your mom? Did you feel you want to do more than she did after you earned your degree, but for some reason your mom’s choice seemed to have become your path?
Again, please just take whatever you would feel comfortable or relevant to share with us, as these questions could very well be off base. I would just like to understand how you look at those issues with regards to who you are and how you feel comfortable with what you have from the prosective of yourself and your family members, not just your M...
