as always great to hear from you and you bring up some valid points...most significantly
Quote: Second, If I remembered correctly, either the father of yours or your H walked way from the family. That was a devastating event. Is it possible that the experience somehow contributed to your distrusts and perhaps other destructive behaviors? How have you come to terms with that experience so far?
it was my father.... growing up I knew there was something wrong with my parents r but I didn't give much thought to the fact that they shared different bedrooms for a while.
it wasn't until I was about 16 and my mother while I was arguing with my father told h (then bf) that my dad had not lived with us for a while when I was little (til I was about 3 to be exact)
dad had cheated on mom...mom threw him out and eventually took him back (she got tired of being alone with three kids)
dad continued to cheat but mom didn't always know...she knew of some but I suppose chose to ignore it.
eventually we moved to a new house and things seemed wonderful (in my moms eyes) for about ten years..
then shortly after I was engaged I got a call on the 4th of july while at work from my mother that she had caught dad with another woman the night before.
dad moved in and out of the house had several different apartments.
I wathced my mother drown in her mysery...I wathced them go back and forth...pretending to be a loving couple getting over a mistake to fighting and his leaving yet again.
dad couln't make the decision between my mom and the new lady (wich is not a word I use to describe her) even though he supposedly tried to cut it off with her.
mom eventually had enough and filed for d...
my dad to this day says he didn't want a d...but admits he probably wasn't going to give up ow and wanted both.
does this effect the way I now see my h?? it didn't before because I never compared h to my father..they were two different people with little similarities...
now when I look at h there are some and I can't stand it..something as simple as the sniffles makes me cringe as my father often had the sniffles (and no it's not related to cocaine use) I suppose it's just a guy thing.
is it fair that I hold these thoughts of h being like my father..nope...but wtf am I suppose to do with the fear...h started the wheels in motion..
my mother even says they are different...and I suppose they are...it's just hard to trust.
as far as my personal goals...well I know that I can't fully envelope myself in anything for a few years (when dd starts school) but I do have some things in mind...my mother worked hard to put me through college and I will not let my degree go to waiste..I am still young and the kids wont be so dependant forever.
