WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 6

[MrBond]

"That is a really tough question. If she was a really good friend I would help her, even if I disagreed with what she was doing. How do I resolve this against falling into the Mr. Nice Guy syndrom?"

Forget about the overanalyzing of being too much of a "Nice Guy". Helping her is called being a gentleman. Being an enabler is going above and beyond what you would do to anyone else. Or maybe just help her load the car and let her deal with the rest.

"Isn't it natural/normal to feel hurt when you see parts of your life disappearing everyday?"

Yep perfectly normal. We all go through that. That's why GAL is very important and detachment.

"Did you help her move when she left? How much help did you give? From what I remembered, you mentioned she moved in with family. So did she take furniture like my wife is or just clothes?"

She took her clothes and our kids clothes and toys. She left everything else. When she left it was done in anger and I had actually told her after our first and only C session that when I got home I didn't want her there since she kept saying how unhappy she was with me.

After she left, I only talked to her to get a hold of my daughters. Aside from that...nothing. Then about a couple of weeks later, I asked her to join me on some of the days I had my kids. Sometimes but not all the time.

"I do believe she needs some space and time and believe we can do it in the same house."

I don't see that. I see when you two are together that you cling onto the feelings of the other. While she's been in the house, you've been enabling her ALOT by letting her say what she wants or doesn't want from you. I think she realizes that so needs the time away from you to sort things out.

"I have told her that I will not stop her but will not help her. She hasn't asked me to help her, but keeps saying that she doesn't have anyone to help her and she's doing the best that she can."

When you said that in that manner, it did sound kind of uncool.

"This is a BIG decision point in my path"

Yes but you've already made the decision. To let her go. Period. If you can't put on a friendly face in front of her while she's doing this, then leave. if she asks you why you're not helping her, tell her the truth that it hurts to see her leave and that's it. Don't go into how you feel, how what she's doing is wrong, how you can work things out. KISS. Keep It Simple... don't over complicate things. When you do, they get over dramatized and you two end up arguing again.