WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 6

[antlers]

This is getting really difficult - helping at the risk of more Mr Nice Guy behaviour vs. not helping at the risk of not demonstrating compassion.

I have told her that I will not stop her but will not help her. She hasn't asked me to help her, but keeps saying that she doesn't have anyone to help her and she's doing the best that she can. I am very torn as to what's the right thing to do.

My value is that I don't believe that the separation is the right thing. I do believe she needs some space and time and believe we can do it in the same house. She doesn't believe that. She feels that if she doesn't leave soon, being faced with the person who hurt, she will not be able to keep it together any longer. She feels like she is trapped and needs escape. Even when she see's I've changed, she gets mad that I couldn't understand it back when she "cared".

This is a BIG decision point in my path

I helped her move because she needed help and I loved her, plain and simple. It had nothing to do with anything else. I didn't believe the separation was the right thing either, and still don't. But it was out of my hands. She had already decided that she was leaving. She moved most everything herself, and I could not stop her. To her, she 'had' to leave. She had to re-establish her identity...'find herself' again. I had given her so much misery over the years that she got to that point. That's a hard pill to swallow, but I had to because it was the truth. She couldn't process the tons of emotions, much less start healing, while she was around me. Now, she's processing all of this. She's been out since Feb. 22nd. Her anger and rage are something to behold. It's hard to hear the stuff she says to me...full of anger and rage. But I keep telling myself that I said a lot of crap to her over the years that was simply awful, and I didn't mean any of it...I was just pissed off and/or hurting.