HELP! Is ML to try to reconnect a mistake?

[MrBond]

"Do you think that getting our affairs in order should be done without his help? If he's detached from me and our D, does that mean he thinks it's no longer his responsibility and should not be accountable for it?"

No I believe he realizes his responsibilities. It's just that he doesn't want to deal with you and your neediness. That's a 2x4. If you and I were married and we had that conversation you just posted, I wouldn't want to talk to you either because you bring up the resentments of the OW. alot.

You have to heal yourself from that first before anything else can be done.

"Yes I am so attached to him. I told him before that to me, the fact that he's not here now is not much of a difference for me, since he was traveling 80% of the time anyways..."

This is what you are saying to yourself but you don't believe it. Keep reading DR and DB to learn true detachment. If you need to vent, vent on here. Let it all out so that when you next see your H all interactions will be happy and friendly.

"What do you think H is feeling or thinking?"

I think he feels guilt, ashamed, embarrassed, angry, confused and most importantly...afraid. He's afraid that if he were to come back you would latch onto him and not let go. He needs to feel like it's safe to come home. You show him that by NOT showing your neediness and stop giving him the guilt trip about the OW.

Become the strong woman that you have the potential of being. Become confident so that if he comes back or not, it doesn't matter to you.

Think of him as a stray dog. He comes into your yard and is afraid of the new surroundings. If you come out and start chasing after him to keep him, he gets scared and runs away or stands his ground and bares his teeth. But if you were to make the yard non-threatening and safe by leaving out some scraps of food here and there, then water, then whole meals, he will feel safer and secure with each meeting. It will then get to the point where he will allow you to pet him when it's safe enough.

It's a long process and I think you need to start off as if he just left even though you've been at it for 2 years. You've just been doing the wrong things. Come up with a game plan and a list of goals. Then make them happen.