Oops!!.......I think I've dropped the rope!!

[dl443322]

Oh Honey, you really do need to stop talking to h unless it is something really important and stop bringing up the ow. You are just spinning your wheels and not getting anywhere.

And oh, what a horrible person you are to want pets and who wants to travel. What the heck was that about?

S, please just try to move forward with your life. Live it and see where it takes you.

You know they rewrite history and place blame. But you know the real truth.

Hang in there, my friend.

[Silent Chrleader]

Thanks, ((((((BM)))))).

I know. I did some "connecting" on the on-line dating site......just to "get out there".....even if it's only by e-mail. I need to open my mind and do some exploring even if I'm not ready to jump into a relationship, I just have to DO SOMETHING to see what life is out there!

My S18 just came in the door and wants to talk.......

[Silent Chrleader]

S18 told me today that he told H in an argument with him a couple weeks ago to stop "stringing me along" and file for D if he has no intention of trying to reconcile. S18 said that H is angry about me bringing MIL back with me and that H is just waiting until after MIL goes home on the 18th to "serve the papers".

H supposedly told S18 this on Monday, but Sunday (the day before) I had asked H if, since he said he had "no intention of ever re-marrying" if we could wait on filing as long as possible because I will lose all my military benefits a year after D. H said he didn't think he had a problem with holding off....... now I don't know what to think.

H had dinner with MIL yesterday. I could ask her if he mentioned it......but she was not available when I called her and by now she's gone to bed.

I've really been having a lot of trouble with depression and anxiety. Had session today with C, but didn't have enough time to talk about everything. So much is in my head now, I can hardly think straight.

I have a "date" on Monday with a one guy, and have had some IM conversations with another guy. C says this is a great thing for me.......I'm really trying to "move on". They both seem like nice guys. One is really funny and more outgoing. The other seems more laid back, and sweet.......he's Canadian. I'm really nervous and have very mixed emotions about the whole "dating" thing, and I know it's a very controversial subject regarding DBing, but even my staunchly Catholic MIL has said that this is what I NEED to do!!

Also on the GAL front, I need to get back into my meditation. My sister in Oregon, who is a natural "healer", recommended something called "brainwave entrainment" CD's to help me with that. This is a technology that supposedly synchronizes your brain waves and helps with relaxation and memory and clarity of thought.......Sis said it really helped her because she had a tough time with distraction when meditating (and I definitely have that problem too). Anyway, it's worth a try.

I also did some shopping for GD today. I've set up an appointment for her first pictures on Saturday and got her the cutest little dress, shoes, lacey socks, a headband with a bow, and ruffle-butt bloomers! She's going to be so cute!!

I have Deep Water Aerobics again tomorrow. Will be able to get back on my elyptical machine when I move back to the house. Also plan to do some decorating type stuff at the house. That's a big 180 for me. I'm not much of a "tool belt" girl.

My brain is so full.......I don't know where I'm at in all this anymore! I just miss my husband so much, but I know that man is gone! I'm just so depressed right now......

I know being served D papers is not the end of the world.......but I know that H would never look back after that.

And none of S18's "friends" have fessed up to taking my jewelry. I only care about my wedding set! I wore that set for 20 years!! It breaks my heart that it's gone!! Seems like a sign that my M is truly beyond hope.

I feel so defeated.

[glamgirl]

SC I really don't know what to say. Sorry you are feeling depressed. I know how that feels. Not so sure your h is filing. Those could be just words to your s.

If he does file, can you stop him? Is it the end of the world? The answer is no on both, so don't put anymore thought into it. It doesn't matter at this point. All you can do is protect you and take care of you. That's really it.

Your s18 will pay one day. Sorry about the jewelry.

[Silent Chrleader]

Hey, Friends.....

I just talked a little with H on the phone. He said he had no immediate plans of filing. He will not "surprise" me and said that we would talk.........He's being evasive, but then he also said that the bankruptcy might require some kind of "legal seperation" which we knew. I told him that I was concerned with loosing my benefits, especially with the way things are at my job, and that since neither of us plans to re-marry any time soon, and it would behoove us both to not split the assets at this juncture, he agreed that if we are able to "hold off" on the D, he was OK with that. (Hope he means it)

S18's best friend has admitted to taking the DVDs and jewelry. But says he "lost" the ring........I asked S if this teaches him anything.......like that maybe his judgement isn't the best, because BF is the one that he said he knew he could absolutely trust!! He does seem disgusted by the whole thing. I hope he's learned a lesson.......... I told S if BF won't get the ring back to me, I am calling to file a Police report.....

So tired.......going back to bed......probably going to miss Deep water Aerobics....

[Silent Chrleader]

When I was going through my drawers looking for my ring, I rean across a card H had got for me.......it had to have been within the last 3 years (since we bought that bedroom suit). It must have been after we had a fight......

I Love You with unabashed, torrid fervor, passion, zeal and rapture.

I'm talking serious "love" here!

Dearest Love, Combine lack of sleep, extra work anxieties and a dose of PMS hormones and any cauldron would explode. But when the smoke clears, you're still my love & life, my best friend and partner. This is my way of saying I'm sorry for my lack of respect for the woman I love and a low level of consideration for a heart felt effort at makeing the house better for us. I love you better!! Always yours, H

I so very much miss that man! Thought about scanning him a copy of it......but know that would only be a setback and not help....

[sandycay]

I am stalking you here too....

Everyone...I challenged SC to go 24 hours of no contact with H.... let's show our support and let her know we love her!

If she can do I'll buy her a coffee!!!

Am I bugging you yet T?

Love ya

[Silent Chrleader]

Hey, sandycay.

Yep, you're bugging me.......but in a very good and much needed way!!!

[[[[[[[[[[hugs]]]]]]]]]]

[mishka422]

I'll jump on the NC bandwagon! It's very important for you to break the ties.

If one of the kids is bleeding uncontrollably or is in a massive accident - call him. If not - let him be. Do things for you! Fill your time with what makes you happy. Play with your GD, take walks, talk to friends. DON'T come up with some bogus reason to contact H that sounds like it's important but really isn't. Trust me, been there done that.

So, a date on Monday? Awesome! Enjoy that.

[glamgirl]

SC you are getting good advice. Call only if it's an absolute emergency. Your h has to be the one to call you.

I know it feels like forever when you don't hear from them, but right NOW it's the only way.

Forget the card for now. Your h may very well be that same person, but he's hidden away for now.

Have a Happy Easter!