WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 6

[MrBond]

"She has said that she needs help to get this done quickly. I do not want to help. I feel that would not be the right thing to do. She needs help packing and moving things. I don't see doing that. Anyone have comments on that?"

Help her. You don't want to come off seeming like an @$$. If she was a really good friend, what would you do?

Reading all your posts yesterday and today shows that you are really backsliding badly. Come on, I mean now you were entertaining thoughts of a new job just to get away? I know they are just thoughts, but what about your kids?

I have 4 words for you. SNAP OUT OF IT!

You went from being very strong in terms of keeping the DB principles to being self-centered again. Re-read your posts from yesterday and today. "I" don't believe in this, "I" don't believe in that. "I" don't know how I feel.

What happened to being compassionate to what your W wants? If you don't go back to being compassionate to her needs and wants, you are dooming yourself to failure.

She's moving out of the house not the M. Deal with it. Take it one day at a time. Stop thinking about the future that hasn't been written. Stop mind-reading her. How do you know that when she leaves she won't come back? The last time I checked, the only person who might know could walk on water. There's your 2x4.

Get off the pity pain train and act like the man you were a couple of weeks ago. Put the brakes on the backsliding. You mentioned that you had no anger, but that's all I've been seeing these past few days.

We ALL go through this. I did when my W left. When she walked out that door, I was afraid like you, but came to the resolute decision that it was out of my hands. I left it up to God and fate. Of course I prayed for things to work out, but I learned that even if they didn't, I and the kids would be fine. I would have told you there was no way my W was ever coming back. And you know what? She did.

When she leaves DO NOT GO DARK! You are nowhere near being at that point because your W has wanted to included you in things. Go DIM. Which is where you invite her to things but not everything and if she invites you, go, but not to everything. Keep things cordial, light and very friendly. In every interaction you have together, show her the man she M.

Most importantly, stop dwelling in the past when you two are talking. You both are repeating old themes and all those weeks of C has not helped a single bit because YOU can't see why she doesn't see things YOUR way and SHE can't see why you can't see things HER way.

You keep saying that she is free to go. Is she really? Seems like you're still clinging on and that once she leaves, you feel you can never be friends with her again. It's not going to work that way.

You will survive and she can work out the mess that's in her head.

I guess that was a long 2x4.