Permission to have affair?

[Amy M]

I've never felt that Michelle's techniques indicated that you should wait around for a straying spouse. I read her advice to be more like...get on with your own life and if they other party decides to come back and you still want them to, then that's great.

That's much different to me than saying, "It's okay. I'll be here when you return." I think the attitude is something along the lines of..."I will not wait around while you are being unfaithful. I will go on with my life. Maybe we can meet again one day and fall madly in love and live the rest of our lives together, but I'm not going to sit by in case that occurs."

If you think you are going to wait around, then I certainly wouldn't tell the wife that. I'd make her think that you will be moving on. Divorce takes a long time. You can file or just indicate that you will be taking steps towards filing. Either way, I think the message you want to send is that you don't intend to be there when she decides she wants to come back.

And, who says that it will be over in 6 months? I honestly thought that my H's affair would be over in 6 months after OW moved here to be with him. It's been 7 and 1/2 months since the move, and they have bought property together and are moving in together in a few months. He's much further from my home than he was 6 months ago.

The only way to make her think about what she's doing and really be forced to make a hard decision is to stand up for yourself and your marriage. Let her know her actions are wrong. Show her that you don't intend to wait for her and that you'll be fine without her.

Keep posting. You'll get good advice!

Amy