Need Help handling affair thats still going on

[kjensen]

So today broke the streak of two good days in a row.

H left me a message on my cell last night saying he left before I got home since when the girls came home they went upstairs to watch TV(not their perception, just his) so he went home. He said I should call if I wanted. It was a thoughtful gesture to let me know why he'd left. Of course I didn't get the message for hours and then I didn't call b/c it was late.

This morning H was coming in as I was leaving and I thanked him for his call last night and said I appreciated it. He was friendly and I said I'd see him at lunch.

Just back from lunch and things were OK at the start. H complimented me on the stew I'd made, complimented the sweater I was wearing. We talked about his continued lack of sleep(since A started he sleeps maybe 4-5 hours a night). I said maybe it was time to try something different and when he asked "What?" I said "Sex" and smiled..(used to work) but he said it wasn't funny- I shrugged it off.

H was gently ranting about how he doesn't like our neighbors-they never do yard work, yard work never ends...I just listened and validated. I asked him if he'd done more apartment searching-he hasn't but feels he needs to. Feels if he doesn't get a bigger place, he'll never see the girls(he sees them now and frankly, they don't want to be splitting their time between two homes). he said he didn't want to move a bunch of times and in his conversation still said something about if he moved back home...(guess its still a possibility)

He escaped to his office and I just stood outside listening to him talk. I asked why he didn't pay for groceries out of our joint account(like usual)-he said he was trying to be more independent and this was important to him. I asked how his business $ was and he said "Good." He reminded me that he'd showed me his checking account report and I said I remember and appreciated him showing me it (AND HERE IS WHERE I DROPPED THE BALL!) but I had been interested in his business credit card report.(b/c that is how he pays for stuff with the OW) OH the defenses went up the anger was palpable, the trigger had been flipped! He said his usual " I give you something then you turn around and ask for more-it never ends"...He got on the computer and said "Here I'll show it to you" and I said "No, I don't want to see it"..and I got up to leave. My last words were "H, I don't care about the money. I care about YOU!" I repeated it then scooted out of there.
The thing is-I realize now I really do care less and less about his hiding things, I think I'm beginning to detach a bit more. It does bother me about him still seeing OW and worries me that he is having unprotected sex(if he is as I assume)because of disease.
Side note: I had the embarassing task of emailing my doctor to see if I could get tested for STDs, HIV etc since H slept with me after having unprotected sex with OW-no fun!...

But, the compulsive need I had to snoop has dissipated. I'm tired of the lying and hiding and secrecy. I'm done with that game. At this point I'm waiting to see consistency in his actions-after his eruption today I wonder how far the setback will be...

Anyone have advice or thoughts?