waw after 13 years

[Making_IT]

rob,
Once again you are hitting it dead on. I hope that I am not hijacking beno's thread, but it sounds like a lot of similarities in our situations.

In my 15 yr relationship, I was always the dominant one in the marriage. Not that I demanded that, it was just that she wouldn't take the initiative to step up in many aspects of our life. It seemed to be the dynamic that worked for us. In the last year or so, I have seen a shift in this dynamic of our relationship. My wife got a better job, started exercising and overall started exhibiting more self-confidence. I viewed this as a great thing and supported her in every way that I could. It was nice that she was able to make decisions and was willing to challenge the norm. I was enjoying sharing the reigns with her and the occassional sparring between us was new and exciting.

I can certainly admit that I have become more submissive in the recent years. Whatever she wanted, I tried to provide it. Even if I didn't agree with it. The submissiveness has grown exponentially since the separation. I find myself focusing on trying not to contact her, but the second I get the call or the e-mail I jump right to it. Everything goes out the door. This is an obesessive/compulsive behavior that I don't like in myself right now. I am sure that my mind is thinking this may be when she tells you she screwed up and wants to come back home. In reality, I know this isn't the case.

She sent me an email this morning stating that she will be staying in town this weekend alone instead of flying to her mom's for Easter. I immediately responded back by telling her that she is welcome to come over and be with my side of the family. I also suggested that we find a neutral activity to do together (i.e. movie, comedy show, etc...). I also told her that I had a little something for Easter to give her. Looking back, this was probably not the best response on my part.