Quote: ok so...h arived home last night and I greeted him...or at least met him half way...wasn't feeling all that bold...so maybe I had a little extra excuse as he was to get ready to go to a rather depressing wake for a 3year old boy. so I snuck in a hug...as he hugged me back it seemed as if he needed it...I wanted to cry...but instead said..."I don't always hug you or greet you when you come home...it's not that I don't want too it's just that I'm afraid you may not want me to."
h's response was rather comical..."ya I know..I'm not always huggable...I'm a moody bastard" (I'm not certain that he said bastard but it is something he would say..he did once leave a message on my cell refering to himself as "your misserable bastard h" again not in a way that indicated I think so..but perhaps a realization that at times he gets so wrapped up with what's going on in HIS day that he can be short and irritable with others...and it isn't fair to ME.
so I think that went well...better than I expected actually.
This is great! You did it and it wasn't that bad. Now keep it up even if you don't want to, do it anyways. It will make a difference and be a 180 on him. I hate to keep bringing up my s3, but there are times when I hug him and he doesn't want to be hugged or pushes me away and it never bothers me. But, if that were to happen with H, I would be very hurt and it would be enough for me not to try again and to pull away from him. I've also never told H that I've wanted to hug him, but didn't think he wanted me to and it sounds like it worked for you. There have also been times when I've wanted a hug from H but never asked. It's funny how once you do something or ask for something and you get it you wonder why you didn't ask sooner.
I wasn't brought up in a "hugging" environment and so hugging was always very uncomfortable for me. I am getting so much better. One of the signs or tests for me when my H decided he wasn't happy was that he hugged me one night and made eye contact. I was feeling such intense emotion and love for him that it scared me and I broke it off. But to him, it meant I didn't care about him. And because of this incident, at this point in his mind he decided he was going tolook for happiness elsewhere. He told me this not too long after the bomb and I then told him about my perception...but it was too late.
Okay I'm rambling at your post about me....have a great time tonight!!!!
