Part of the idea here is that you may learn from others...what worked and what didn't. Most of us came here after finding an affair already in progress and in my case he filed for divorce. I had hoped to stop the divorce, have him wake up.
Truly it is not for the faint of heart. Your marriage may or may not get "saved" but a really important side note is that you will save yourself. This whole mess can drag you deeper that one could imagine and if you aren't careful you can get lost there. Using DB helps you to stay the course, do what is right and get you to the best place for you to handle everything.
If I had a do-over in my marriage I would have taken a tougher stance and kicked him out. As it was I cried, begged, pleaded, guilted in the name of our marriage and family to no avail. Which would you choose calm, security or crazy chaos? I was the crazy chaos because I had slipped in this muck. But you don't have to. You can start out of the gate with a firm and pro-marriage stance.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
