there is no doubt it's a good thing...well most of the time..depends on where it is comming from.
when my h first left he did initiate a few times..and I of course accepted...but then he decided it wasn't fair to me and stopped...stopped everything..I didn't even get the obligatory kiss everyone else did when I'd see him .
anywho...
deciding that perhaps I am expecting too much from h....
why can I not go to him and greet him cheerfully without fear when he comes home????????
there is no reason...so why don't I???
well LL get over your fear of rejection and greet the man....heck run with the kids to greet him!
Quote: why can I not go to him and greet him cheerfully without fear when he comes home????????
there is no reason...so why don't I???
well LL get over your fear of rejection and greet the man....heck run with the kids to greet him!
so that's the new plan.
throw caution to the wind.
I read this and it sounds exactly like me. I was the same way I wanted to be at the door to greet him when he came home from work everyday, to give him a hug and ask how his day was, but I never did. I was afraid or just plain lazy and this is something he would have loved for me to do. It's definitely something I need to work on and even now that he's not here, when he does come over I have great big smile for him and make it a point to say Hello. At some point the hug will come, also. I'm learning this from my son. When dad comes over, he's the happiest little boy in the world, his smile lights up and he runs and hugs him!!
Quote: I'm learning this from my son. When dad comes over, he's the happiest little boy in the world, his smile lights up and he runs and hugs him!!
We have a great deal to learn about unconditional love from the innocence of our children don't we. Love with NO agenda but the love itself....where did we all lose that?
Thank you for sharing your son's perspective, it reminded me of something very important. T2
I just had an "aha moment" myself. CJ tends to pop into whatever room I'm in when he gets home to say hi. I sometimes just come in, change, turn on the computer.
I'll bet anything that this little change in my behaviour would mean a lot to him. Thanks!
Excellent food for thought on these posts, huh kk?
ok so...h arived home last night and I greeted him...or at least met him half way...wasn't feeling all that bold...so maybe I had a little extra excuse as he was to get ready to go to a rather depressing wake for a 3year old boy. so I snuck in a hug...as he hugged me back it seemed as if he needed it...I wanted to cry...but instead said..."I don't always hug you or greet you when you come home...it's not that I don't want too it's just that I'm afraid you may not want me to."
h's response was rather comical..."ya I know..I'm not always huggable...I'm a moody bastard" (I'm not certain that he said bastard but it is something he would say..he did once leave a message on my cell refering to himself as "your misserable bastard h" again not in a way that indicated I think so..but perhaps a realization that at times he gets so wrapped up with what's going on in HIS day that he can be short and irritable with others...and it isn't fair to ME.
so I think that went well...better than I expected actually.
so h went to the wake...I took care of the kiddos...h called on the way home...I can't believe they had an open casket...I would not be able to get that pic out of my mind..heck I wasn't even there and I have the image in my head..so very sad...so when h arrived I gave him a hug and let him know that son was still awake upstairs that he wanted a kiss from daddy (think it may have been a good idea for h to be able to say hi to his son while awake after such a wake) I got h's dinner heated up and sat back on the couch...h joined me and talked a bit about the wake and the "guys" that were there...he couldn't believe that some of them were actually drinking beers in the p-lot..ugh! at least h comments on it as if wtf guys? glad they are just the guys that he goes to the games with and nothing more, not bad people just well you know...somehow we started talking about memories and school and what teachers we had etc (we didn't go to the same schools so it was more a re-sharing of our own stuff) we both went up to bed at the same time and it was comfortable...wich hasn't happend in a while as h's been falling asleep on the couches. I had hoped for something but I suppose the fact that we were both there is enough.
so tonight we go on our "date" to the drive-in...I've made a dip to bring along and some popcorn, should be nice to get out...
h is talking about using one of our time share weeks to take a mini (sat-wed) vaca for our anniversary...I think it's a great idea, however...I don't much feel like celebrating our anniversary as the day honestly means little to me now. . I don't want a new anniversary but I would like a re-newal of our vows...h knows about my desire for that to happen but I don't know if he would ever initiate it and if I initiated and he simply accepted how would I then feel???
he's outside cutting the lawn and as I walked across the yard down to the play area to get a wagon for a friend to borrow he looked over and smiled at me....
Quote: ok so...h arived home last night and I greeted him...or at least met him half way...wasn't feeling all that bold...so maybe I had a little extra excuse as he was to get ready to go to a rather depressing wake for a 3year old boy. so I snuck in a hug...as he hugged me back it seemed as if he needed it...I wanted to cry...but instead said..."I don't always hug you or greet you when you come home...it's not that I don't want too it's just that I'm afraid you may not want me to."
h's response was rather comical..."ya I know..I'm not always huggable...I'm a moody bastard" (I'm not certain that he said bastard but it is something he would say..he did once leave a message on my cell refering to himself as "your misserable bastard h" again not in a way that indicated I think so..but perhaps a realization that at times he gets so wrapped up with what's going on in HIS day that he can be short and irritable with others...and it isn't fair to ME.
so I think that went well...better than I expected actually.
This is great! You did it and it wasn't that bad. Now keep it up even if you don't want to, do it anyways. It will make a difference and be a 180 on him. I hate to keep bringing up my s3, but there are times when I hug him and he doesn't want to be hugged or pushes me away and it never bothers me. But, if that were to happen with H, I would be very hurt and it would be enough for me not to try again and to pull away from him. I've also never told H that I've wanted to hug him, but didn't think he wanted me to and it sounds like it worked for you. There have also been times when I've wanted a hug from H but never asked. It's funny how once you do something or ask for something and you get it you wonder why you didn't ask sooner.
I wasn't brought up in a "hugging" environment and so hugging was always very uncomfortable for me. I am getting so much better. One of the signs or tests for me when my H decided he wasn't happy was that he hugged me one night and made eye contact. I was feeling such intense emotion and love for him that it scared me and I broke it off. But to him, it meant I didn't care about him. And because of this incident, at this point in his mind he decided he was going tolook for happiness elsewhere. He told me this not too long after the bomb and I then told him about my perception...but it was too late.
Okay I'm rambling at your post about me....have a great time tonight!!!!
I haven't been to the drive-in since I was 15...we went to see the Exorcist whilst in a drug induced altered state...not my greatest idea. Especially when I spotted a huge spider on our speaker!!! (Yes this was back in the day of the window speakers...our drive in was torn down decades ago ).
Shiny
P.S. Wonder if he picked a drive in so's you could make out a 'lil?
Quote: One of the signs or tests for me when my H decided he wasn't happy was that he hugged me one night and made eye contact. I was feeling such intense emotion and love for him that it scared me and I broke it off. But to him, it meant I didn't care about him.
Cathy. This seems to be recurring theme, this hugging is powerful stuff, how come nobody included in the marriage manual.
I read somewhere else, how a WAW would have been swayed, had her H hug her in her moment of indecision.
Also this eye contact , would like to hear more opinions on that from the group.
. 
(Yes this was back in the day of the window speakers...our drive in was torn down decades ago 
