Are these backslides normal? Is it normal I feel like such a failure when I mess up? To be honest and in holding myself accountable, I think my recontact with H was on account of my wanting to reconnect again. So its a good thing that I'm not the WS here because lets be honest the NC thing must be hard for them since they have established these other relationships.
Yea H and I do not have a legal separation and that worries me immensely. When H and I lived together he was excellent about contributing his share to the home. We hardly ever argued about money. Now that he has left, it is extremely difficult getting money from him. And I feel like it is just wrong. There are joint expenses/cc/loans accounts that we shared and it isn't right that he has just walked away from them. He uses the excuse that he is paying his bills, but bullcrap. I made sure I hav nothing to do with his bills. Then I'm not even sure what he is legally responsible to pay for the mortgage since his name is also on the house. I have been struggling to pay the mortgage by myself. I make more than H but it just doesn't seem right that someone could make all these commitments and then walk off just like that and take his money to support another family. So from what I gather, I don't think NY has legal separation. When I spoke to a lawyer he told me why not just go through with the divorce b/c a separation agreement is the same thing as a divorce. So whatever hesitation I may have about doing the D, I don't think I have much of a choice because of the joint assets. And I want a judge to let H know what's he's responsible for here. He thinks only babymama can take him to court, I can too damn it.
This morning H even talked about how the money he put into our home that it seems that he should be entitled to something back but I said that he will need to talk to his attorney about that and the house has negative equity anyway and he breached the contact between us. But can you believe he actually has the balls to talk about what's owed to him? He did say though that he's not going to fight for anything. He doesn't have the strength to fight for anything.
So a lot seems to be happening in my life right now but I guess change is gonna come.
