So journaling 4/9/09: So I called H to discuss the bldging and how to proceed. Yesterday I talked with our realtor/advisor about it so I called H to discuss what he would like to do. I tried to keep it business only. Basically, I feel I want to sell the building and get rid of our business rental that we do there. I feel like I need to start making decisions for my life. The bldg is the only tide that binds H and I and I think that is one step toward moving on to get rid of it. We went into this venture know that it is a long term investment and if there is no long term then better be done with it. I made the offer to H that if he wants it I would not object, my only concern would be to clear off the debt that we have in both of our names. I highly doubt he can get it since his credit went down since our separation, but that's up to him to figure it out.

I've actually been doing a lot of thinking after my conversation with H and I can tell you this is all reminiscence of my past with H. H and I got married after 10 years of being together and 6 years of living together. For 5 years before the wedding our constant battle was about getting married. H had the cake so he figured why buy the cookie. He stringed me along for as long as possible and it wasn't until I got totally sick and tired and was ready to move on did he step up to the plate. And I can tell you today, if I didn't make being married a requirement for us to go on I know he would not have gone through with the wedding to this day. So I remember H would say while he was stringing me along that "what's the rush", "he needs time", "I'm always rushing things", and "if the marriage doesn't work out that I should not blame him since I rushed it." So that is H's basic thinking now too. He even had the balls to say to me yesterday that he told me not to blame him for the M not working, I said you didn't tell me you were going to run around cheating on me the whole time though. So he's now saying he needs time to figure things out, what's the rush, I need to stop pushing him, etc. etc. And you know what, I think if I allow him, H would string this along for 10 more years. I really think that he thinks that I will allow him to carry on like this until he is ready, since I allowed him to string me along for so many years. Not this time. Since he so didn't want to get married, but mind you wanted us to keep shacking up and was the happiest groom ever, and since he wants to continue this bullcrap with OW, I think I need to give him exactly that. I am going to start my divorce. God knows I don't believe in D, and he knows my heart was pure when I married H but I gotta do this for me. The alternative of waiting on H based on his track record seems too indefinite. No way. As I understand it takes several months to to make the D final, so if H wants to stop it he has time. If he doesn't then better I know now.

So I searching for a good divorce attorney in NYC? Would like recommendations, so if any knows of one can you please share with me.