I would say 80 - 90% is very high accuracy considering i don't know you or your situation personally so we can at least agree that our situations are similar.
Problems with sleeping are due to the fact that your world is upside down. The woman you love is not with you and the vacuum that was created when she left & separated from you is causing you alot of pain, you want to be with her (and you are trying to pull her back toward you by being extra nice, doing everything to please her) and she is pushing you away and trying to start something new (if she hasn't already). Push/Pull, it's an ugly place to be and we can't make that pain go away until you realize that you are creating that pain for yourself.
Women are attracted more to the way a man behaves, I'm not saying physical attractiveness, money, fame & all that other good stuff doesn't matter because it does matter to women alot but the way you behave is going to affect how she feels more than these other things. When you behave in an attractive way, she will respond in a similar way.
Insecurity & neediness repel women more than anything else. You are currently acting insecure & needy. You act that way by supplicating her: you do everything for her hoping that she will come back to you - that is insecure & needy. You stay up late at night thinking about her and wanting your marriage to go back to normal: that is needy & insecure. You are giving her money to live on her own, you are literally supporting her decision to be away from you and possibly be with other men hoping that she will see this and view this as being kind and make her want to be with you again, this is needy & insecure and on a deeper level, very manipulative on your part (yes, hard to believe it but this is the behavior you are displaying, when you do things for her & give her money, and buy things for her, you are communicating to her that the person you are isn't enough, you have to do all this other stuff to keep her or try to keep her with you and that is manipulation plain & simple, unfortunately it's a common trait exhibited by alot of men so don't feel too bad, just realize that's what you're doing and now that you know, change your behavior).
- Being insecure & acting needy also communicate that you are weak and women are repelled by weak men and it turns them off sexually, women don't want to be sexual with weak men. This is a base inner instinct, a subconscious awareness and a necessary one for women, it's a survival characteristic. If you go back to prehistoric times, women would have to mate & breed with strong men to ensure the survival of the species, they can't breed with weak men and produce offspring that are weak. I don't care what anyone says, this is an instinct that is hidden deep within the brain and it's not something that can be ignored. That instinct may be wrapped around a prettier and more intelligent container now (your wife) but it still exists. She is not going to be attracted sexually to someone who is weak, needy & insecure - that is you right now but thankfully, you can easily change that now that you know better. Read this a few times, let it sink in.
Picture the man you were when you first started dating your wife/wives. I'm sure you were different to begin with. You were probably funny, had a great sense of humor, confident, maybe a little cocky/arrogant, you exhibited leadership traits - you knew where you were going in life, you had a plan, you did things to make you happy, you spoke your mind, you weren't as reserved, you were assertive without being controlling, you were self-assured, and you were happy. Think about all of these things, this is what made you attractive, these behaviors attracted your wives to you.
Now picture the person you are now and include the feelings you are feeling now that you are in this mess (sorry, I don't mean to be insensitive). You changed, you became less of man, you became submissive, you lost yourself & your individuality. The sexual polarity changed: you probably feel more feminine and you feel that your wife has changed & become more masculine (remember what I said about women in their 30s, the extra testosterone, the hormonal changes, etc.). The hormonal changes are just limited to her, you produced more testosterone in your 20s and the production of that hormone starts to decrease as you enter your 30s... do you start to see the shift? Can you agree/admit that you do feel more feminine & submissive in your relationship with your wife and that your wife has assumed control in your relationship?
I don't think that women want the power in the relationship and when that happens coupled with the changes in their body, entering their sexual prime, etc. that they slowly start to seek out more powerful males, the urge to have sexual relations with other men to find a more suitable mate is very strong and they don't know why they feel this way - it's not their fault. If they were informed and knew about the changes in their bodies that were taking place right now, they would at least be better informed and could make better decisions, in fact you both could because you would realize what you've become and make necessary changes. Since women are attracted to more powerful men, men that take control, men that are confident, assertive, happy, content, dominant - you aren't that kind of man anymore. You're a family man, you work, you support your family, you help out a bit at home and even though those are all great things, they are boring (yes it hurts to hear that) and since they boring and not sexually stimulating, a woman entering her sexual prime is going to start getting direction from her body and her desires for something else, something new will be something she can't ignore.
You have to become more dominant. That means you have to stop being submissive & supplicative (I'm not sure that is even a word), meaning you have to stop jumping through every hoop for her and doing everything she asks of you just to make her happy. Don't turn into a controlling jerk, that isn't what you need to become and that won't help either. Take charge of your lives, start to become happy, go to the gym, pump some iron this will tell your body to start producing more testosterone, this in turn will make you feel better, stronger, more confident, assertive, and happy and in control of your life.
Your wives haven't initiated formal legal separations or divorces because they like having you around. While they are searching for their new lives, they are using you to heal emotionally to prepare themselves for the new life. They heal by feeling better at your expense: tell me you have noticed the nasty behavior, the contempt, cruel conversations, glares at you like you are pathetic confirming that they should leave you, demanding you to do things, expecting you to do things, jumping at their every command. They do this because they are healing, they are feeling better about themselves, power is a delicious feeling especially at the expense of others, don't fool yourself into thinking that your wives were "good girls" and would never be like this because they currently are like this.
They are healing themselves at your expense - you are lying awake in bed at night, stressed out, full of anxiety, longing for your wives to show you they love you, feeling weak, insecure, helpless that this is all happening and you can't do a thing about it.
Stop those thoughts right now. Stop those feelings right now. You have given this power to your wives, nobody says you have to continue doing this.
Limiting your contact with your wives is one of the first things you will have to do and it has to be really limiting contact. Don't make excuses for this & that, just do it. Any contact you make has to be minor & brief.
Another thing is to stop doing things for them, in fact stop doing everything aside from taking care of your kids when you have to.
Don't buy anything for them. Don't give them money and definitely don't pay for rent & furnishing (that made me sad when I read that, you won't get your wives back by buying them back).
Let me know how this long winded post sounds and if I'm hitting close to home with how you've been feeling and if any of what I've written is true for your situations - if it is, explain in detail how's it's similar. Speaking about it out loud with others is going to make the realization of all these events crystal clear in your minds, you will start seeing clearly again for the first time in a long time, it will definitely help. Men don't usually get many chances to talk about this stuff, so speak up, we're here listening & offering support.
