HELP! Is ML to try to reconnect a mistake?

[kjensen]

Hi TH,
WOW. I read the emails and tried to put myself in the receiving end and I felt very attacked. Personally, if I feel attacked i either attack back or withdraw. Seems like you H is withdrawing which isn't what you say you want...SO READ the DB books! All the way through! Over and over if needed.

Its fine to vent and let loose your perspective,feelings, analysis, but it only pushes the H away. So find another venue: journal, talk to a trusted friend who can just listen, write a letter to H and rip it up/burn it-whatever you do-stop venting to H(he is past caring and just feels attacked).MLCers don't want to be told of their failings(deep inside many MLCers already know they're failing)

DON"T bring up the OW at ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Secondly, Choose whether you want to be right, or if you want to be happy. There's a lot of arguments in the emails on how you are right and H is wrong...The hurt and anger are coming out loud and clear...If that was directed at you, what would your instinct be??

Your D is going to need to develop a relationship with her father, without you in the middle. She is 21. Using her shyness as an excuse, is not respecting that she is an adult, and if she needs to communicate with her father(and you allow her to and stay out of the way), she will find a way.

There's some blame going on from both you and H. DETACH.

If you act like a victim, chances are H will treat you like one. You are not a victim, unless you choose to be. If you remain a "victim" in this relationship with your H, you won't be able to have a a healthy, grown-up relationship with him.

If you truly want your H back then you need to be a person someone wants to come home to. Don't be the angry/hurt wife who is always pointing out the failings of H. Don't be the attacking wife who is putting down the person H now cares for(the OW)..
Take the high road. Be the person H would want to come back to.
Start today. Focus on YOU-not H and not the OW.