what a clear headed response to an age old problem. you see i am stuck in the "feeling like a fool" mode, and this really helps out with that problem. i have been wondering lately "how can i ever trust again" - and this certainly helps
Some say love, it is a river that drowns the tender reed. Some say love, it is a razor that leaves your soul to bleed. Some say love, it is a hunger, an endless aching need. I say love, it is a flower, and you its only seed.
It's the heart afraid of breaking that never learns to dance. It's the dream afraid of waking that never takes the chance. It's the one who won't be taken, who cannot seem to give, and the soul afraid of dyin' that never learns to live.
When the night has been too lonely and the road has been to long, and you think that love is only for the lucky and the strong, just remember in the winter far beneath the bitter snows lies the seed that with the sun's love in the spring becomes the rose.
excellent time for me to read those lyrics, thanks for posting them...
i am bringing this over from shiny's thread so i wont hijack her thread any more than i already have.
Quote: don't know how specific you are being with the word "intimate"
sex, plain and simple. LOL
Quote: but I will tell you that when my h first started to come around...and was trying to come home...though he would intitate physcial contact he would not intitate the actual act itself...he knew how I felt about it...and left it to be my decision when I was ready for it.
hmmm, my hubby is not initiating anything, despite maybe some hugs goodbye or some good morning hugs.
Quote: I'm saying this because you may be making some assumptions about your h's thinking and why he may not be initiating things...since he was the one to stray perhaps he's leaving it to you to inititate he may not feel it's his place to do so.
about two weeks ago things got a little hot and heavy while we were in bed, during the night. he stopped cold turkey and said he couldn't, that it didn't feel right yet and that he wanted me to be patient with him. he more than knows i am ready to "consumate" this thing, but he is not ready. i could be negative and say that he is holding back so that i might leave and find it somewhere else, but the truth be known, i really feel like he is holding back because he wants ME to be sure, and he won't do this until he is straight with himself, and he isn't yet. he has told me that.
i appreciate the insight, but i do believe he KNOWS i am ready to jump his bones. one - because i haven't had any for a LONG while, and two - cause i want this new r to start and this to me is where the healing begins
i appreciate the insight, but i do believe he KNOWS i am ready to jump his bones. one - because i haven't had any for a LONG while, and two - cause i want this new r to start and this to me is where the healing begins
why does the consumation of the r signal the start of the r and the begining of healing?
Quote: once we have been "intimate" that to me would show that we are ready to work together on this marriage. he knows that step means we (me) cannot go back, we have to make it work.
in my head, once sex has taken place (which to me is the outward manifistation of the inward feeling of forgiveness) that is when we can leave the past behind and get on to a newer and better relationship. it would be like starting over.
now of course you have to realize these are my "feelings" - so they may sound crazy, but that is how i feel. i won't think we are BOTH working on this until sex has taken place.
Quoting kewlkitti: </font><blockquote><font class="small">Quote:</font><hr /> once we have been "intimate" that to me would show that we are ready to work together on this marriage. he knows that step means we (me) cannot go back, we have to make it work.
in my head, once sex has taken place (which to me is the outward manifistation of the inward feeling of forgiveness) that is when we can leave the past behind and get on to a newer and better relationship. it would be like starting over.
now of course you have to realize these are my "feelings" - so they may sound crazy, but that is how i feel. i won't think we are BOTH working on this until sex has taken place.
weird?
kitti
not weird at all...but if I'm reading what you are saying..it is not that the act has to take place for the r to begin or for the healing to start..but that the act is a display showing that the r has started etc.
I'm just trying to understand what you are saying...I think I get it...but the way you are putting it almost sounds like the r starts with sex...rather than the r grows and leads up to sex.
Quote: I'm just trying to understand what you are saying...I think I get it...but the way you are putting it almost sounds like the r starts with sex...rather than the r grows and leads up to sex.
no...the r doesn't start with sex, and i see where i was confusing on that issue. all the things i am doing (the db'n and goals and things) are all going to lead up to the act (well i hope so anyway) which would then signify we are BOTH working on this r together after the act takes place.
so you are more then correct when you say that it grows and leads up to sex. as it should be in any lasting relationship eh?
a r based solely on sex from the very start isn't a r at all - but that is up to interpretation LOL
but, what if you tried not to put so much emphasis on the act...and just looked at the progression of the r itself for what it is. Is it possible for the r to get to where you want it before the act happens...is it possible to know that you and h are working on it with out the act? if your goals all lead up to the act then what after the act is all I'm asking?
I understand where you are comming from...I'm just trying to understand where it is you are going.
i think my original point to shiny was that i don't think i would be "piecing" my marriage together and so belong in this forum until i knew in my heart that i was actually PIECING - and that wont come until i feel that we are doing this together - and then the point i see us working on it together is the act.
HA
ok...but i like your question here
Quote: if your goals all lead up to the act then what after the act is all I'm asking?
well ALL my goals don't lead up to the act, i haven't really focused in on "what happens after we ml" - my goals right now are "what can i do to make myself more desirable to my husband"
i haven't crossed any of my smaller goals in that regard yet, so i am not even focusing in on what happens NEXT...LOL
thanks ll for taking the time to walk me thru this
My two cents, my H and I have ML more than a couple of times since he left and to me that means he still doesn't know what he's doing, that he's probably coming back. So as long as he's still wanting me, there's still a chance for us. After we make love he's more open and talkative and caring. So this is a good thing for us.
