Husband of WAW

[dday101798]

I did all the things initially that we shouldn't do..Crying, begging, pleading, etc. All that did was push her further away. Hard lessons.

Well, although it doesn't make right or undo the damamge, they are mistakes we all make in the begining, it's our nature as beings. As the saying goes, you don't know what you've got until it's gone.

So you've made your mistakes already, guess what? You will again, I gaurentee it as said. All you can do now is try and limit those mistakes, identify the bottons within you that can be pushed and make you revert to the reasons she left you in the first place. Even tho you may be working on those issues you are now not only emotional because she left for those reasons, but also you are emotional because YOU KNOW she left you for those reasons.

Example, last night. I had a "visitaion" with my kids. Right off the bat after STBX & OM dropped my boys off and started to drive off, S12 says "bye Mom, bye DAD". Still to this moment I am so livid, I should probably be in the ER, i don't even want to know what my blood pressure is. This coupled with finding out that now OM is physically "correcting" MY children, I have every thought to go and tear him in half.

Several months ago, I would have without a second thought. Several months ago I would have either called or texted STBX and bitched her out like you wouldn't believe. Several months ago I would have gone ape when STBX and OM picked them up.

What did I do last night? Said good bye to my kids at the end of the night and left the parking lot before they did for the first time ever without saying a word or coming within sight of either of them (STBX & OM).

The look of confusion on her face was astounding. Why? Because my son was told to say that, to erk me, to get me to snap, to feed her the energy she so needs to validate what she's doing as I have not allowed her to do when she regresses to blaming me solely for the failure of our M. I don't give her that satisfaction anymore as I personally don't care to nor have to, I have accepted what I've done and understand why she would leave me and forgive her for it. Now, throwing the kids in the mix to try and rekindle my anger is a dirty low down business, but guess what? So it is as divorce and that;s what the attorneys are for.

Sorry I did kind of vent there, but I think it's a good example of the things YOU WILL face. Your W know your weak spots, your buttons. And until the day comes when she is having true second thoughts, she WILL use those to validate herself. Be prepared, you have the head start of knowing that.

dday