A new thread, a new outlook.....

[MsMelancoly]

That is good you have GAL possibilities with your IL. Who knows at poker night you might meet some new people. My parents D when I was very young. My mums father was always close to my dad. Sometimes those close bonds can never be broken.

[Can it work]

Sandi

Thanks for your input and support as ever. I know exactly what you mean about feeling lonely a lot. Unfortunately that's just the way it is sometimes. To be honest my GAL efforts are really starting to bear fruit. I've arranged a pizza night on Thursday with some of my friends and a night out on Sunday since we all have Easter Monday off work. I have Wee Man tonight and tomorrow night but I still have a friend coming past to watch a DVD after Wee Man goes to bed. I'm still very much of the opinion that I'd still really like to have my W around to do these things with me though. It would seem inappropriate to snuggle up on the couch with my friends!!

That's what I really miss. I've always been a cuddly kinda guy and was always in to the physical side of affection. I'm not talking about just sex but all the other physical things that came with being in a happy relationship. The only cuddles I get now are from Wee Man. As fantastic as they are, I still long to hold my W every time I see her. I still see her as the most beautiful woman in the world and I hope and pray for her to return to me.

I was heartbroken yesterday for a young guy at my work. I was briefly talking with him and he said that his relationship with his fiance had broken down. They too have a wee one. A wee girl this time though about the same age as Wee Man. The difference with his R is that his fiance is not from the same place as us and is thinking of moving back to her family. I couldn't bear that. Anyway, I quickly got my DB hat on and asked him if he still wanted his R to work. When he said yes I started going through strategies with him. I never mentioned MWD or the books until I find out his opinion on self help books. There are people who would discount information because they don't agree with the source. Right now though, he just thinks he's getting advice from a co-worker who's been there. If he asks for more, I'll probably lend him my copy of DR. I hate to see people go down this road and want to do anything I can to help.

Anyhoo, back to work for me I'm afraid.

Keep smiling

Kev

[Can it work]

MsM, I just noticed I had a reply from you too. Can't sign off just yet without replying to everyone.

Like you, my parents D when I was young (10). Although never really close, my dad's family were always very nice to my mum since they knew she wasn't to blame for the break-up (my dad was having an affair with the woman who is now my stepmum). It was always good to see that they still respected her and would help if she needed it. My step mum still doesn't have their respect to this day although they've now been together longer than my parents ever were. So, like you said, sometimes close bonds can never be broken. I often think if my W did find herself another man it would take a long long time for her family to welcome him in as much as they have me. Her family has never had a marriage break up before and I think she's somewhat lost a lot of their respect and favour herself. Hopefully she'll regain that favour though. Even if she never comes back to me, I think she's going to need her family in times to come.

Kev

[Can it work]

Good morning all,

Just thought I'd take this opportunity at the start of another day to journal a bit.

I picked up Wee Man from my W's house last night. We chatted for a bit but there was nothing exciting really. I paid her a compliment about her weight loss and she seemed to take it the normal way women take compliments like that. She complained that she hadn't yet lost enough?!?! She looks stunning. The best I've seen her look in as long as I've known her. I didn't say that though obviously. There's a slim chance that may be pursuing.

Later, when I was leaving, my W told Wee Man to be a good boy. I answered back that I would be. This got a laugh from her so that felt quite good.

The other thing we talked about while I was there was about other people we knew who have been separating. There seems to be a few of them around at the moment. I tried not to get too drawn in to the conversation though for fear of making comparisons to ourselves. I could be wrong but I think she may have been a little disapproving of all these other people splitting up.

Anyway, other than that, I don't really have much to report. Wee Man was as good as gold last night. My W's cousin is coming over to mine to watch the football tonight so that should be fun. At times I can still feel my impatience creeping in but I try to ignore it. I do think I might ask my W on Saturday whether she wants to go swimming with me and Wee Man on Sunday morning. I doubt she'll accept but I have to start trying to get us to do things together as a family again. We need to spend time together if we're ever going to build up a proper friendship. Does anyone else have any ideas on things to do together with Wee Man which don't sound like dates? The weather's awful here at the moment so picnics are out by the way!

Kev

[naej]

No ideas really accept one of those ball parks, do you have those my little g/son whose 20 months loves them.
I was thinking what we could do Easter Saturday as our weather forcast is for rain too.
He loves the park and outdoor things though so a picnic / walk would have been great.
It's an awkward age for entertaining really.
Some places have those little animal centres that are indoors or at least undercover some of the big garden centres are getting them my way.
Swimming would be good but not if she'll say no.
Good luck anyway.

[Can it work]

There are a couple of kids indoor playgrounds with ball pools and that here Naej but I'd really like to get him more confident in the swimming pool.

As for whether to ask my W or not, I'm not completely decided on that one. It may be a bit too early to attempt something like that and I'm worried it comes over as pursuing. I'm definitely open to advice on this one. I have a couple of days to decide on it anyway. A lot will depend on what kind of mood she's in on Saturday morning anyway. Chances are she'll be heading out at night so she probably won't be up to swimming in the morning anyway. Who knows?

Kev

[PositivelyMommy]

Hi Kev,
I see you are doing well with WeeMan, inlaws and W. I think you are in a really good mindset at the moment which is great. A lot of patience and a caring attitude. I miss the cuddling aspects as well. I know what you mean. But I am lucky since my kids are with me all the time, I get lots of cuddles. Don't know what to do with myself if I didn't have them.

[Can it work]

Hi there PM

Welcome back. You've been missed here. Thanks for the words of encouragement. I feel a lot better in myself these days and I definitely have a better PMA. My quest to GAL seems to be bearing fruit too. Basically, I think I have all the ingredients in place to win back my M. Now unfortunately I only have the biggest barrier to overcome. I have to somehow convince my W that getting back together would be the best thing. That's not going to be easy and I imagine is going to take a long time. At the moment I'd say we are just on the first steps to establishing a friendship. That in itself isn't easy because she's bound to be very cautious with me right now. I read somewhere on here that statistically, the second thoughts only start setting in around the 6 month mark if at all. And that's based on a best-case scenario. I still have a lot of work to do between now and then and none of it comes really easy.

I've had Wee Man the last couple of nights and he's been great. Really developing in to a little character. It's still incredibly hard not to see him all the time as you do with your kids though. I'd give anything to be there with him every day and share all his exciting new developments with my W.

I still have my moments where I'm down about everything. I feel I can control them a lot better now though. My patience is still an issue and I'm worried it'll get the better of me again before too long. Unfortunately with DBing, since we're not supposed to have R talks, it's very difficult to measure any discernable progress. I know there's a reason for not having R talks and I understand that reason but I've always been a very result-orientated person. It kills me not to know exactly how well I'm doing. My W is a very stubborn person and for that reason I think she's going to hold on for even longer to this decision she's made even if she decides it possibly wasn't the best one. The worst thing is that I'll never know if that is the case. I often worry that if I'm too successful in GAL that she'll think I've completely moved on and start giving up on me yet again. What I want to know is how to tell my W now or in the future that I'm still interested in making it work without having an R talk. I do want her to know that more than anything I still want my M to work but worry she won't think I do any more.

See? Even in peace, my mind can create conflict. I can but keep on trying though. That's still my main focus.

Kev

[PositivelyMommy]

Hi, yes, I know what you mean. I wrote on another thread that trying to convince our spouses that we are what is best out there is like fishing. It won't work if you try to chase the fish. We have to try to lure our spouse back. And that the only way is to appear very attractive to the fish. If you GAL to the point of looking like you are enjoying your life, your W will want to be in on it. Unhappy people are attracted to positive energy. Keep up the good work, Kev. It sounds like you are attracting he in-laws, friends and family. It's just a matter of time before your W is wondering what all the fuss is about and how come everyone is still hanging around your place.

[Can it work]

Hey PM,

I hope you're right and that is indeed the case. I suppose there's no reason why it shouldn't be and I should always try to act positive about it. I need to believe that what I'm doing can really make a difference. I know that by doing what I'm doing I'm becoming more comfortable with myself anyway but if I'm honest I really would still like my W back.

Kev