"I don't wanna spend my life jaded, waiting...

[theotherhalf]

I have made B fully aware. I have also told him that we should maybe put this thing on hold for now till I get this all settled. He says "NO WAY"! So yes he knows and is prepared. I just hope he is REALLY prepared. My biggest concern is that this mess and H will ruin a chance of having a future with B.

Last night the walls came crumbling down. H called. He was very upset. He asked if there is any chance we can work it out. I told him no, it's way too late. Too much has happened. I told him I can't go back. He said can't or won't, I said both. We talked for about an hour. We both cried. I hurt so badly for him and so wish things could have been different. But I will not go back and live one more day with him. He is still angry. He still wants to blame someone else. He still drinks. He has so many issues that he needs to fix before he can ever have a healthy R with someone else.

This is still so very hard. I wish I could blink my eyes and it would all be over.